#Magik

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    R. Familiarity | Crying cause dreams

    crying because suddenly remembered dream. rupert.
    recurring again.

    Familiarity.

    I thought what we had between you and I, the familiarity and carefreeness, was out there.
    With every one I chose to be with, it furthered away from me, from the world.

    Until I started dreaming of you. And now I realised as I in the kitchen cried, as the kettle boiled, and dabbed the sudden bloody scar on my leg. I remember you, or the dream, or both at the same time. And I started to cry.

    I have no one like you. No one to baby me.

    I think of Mattias.
    “I know you are the one for me..” looking out of the window in his kitchen before we left for the last time.
    Behind him I watched, aware not to share the familiarity.
    Let him have the moment. It is important.

    I was sure I will find him-my soulmate since I dared to dream. Even in the mental state school/ANS put me in.
    Every boy I connected with was it; until it wasn’t.

    Did I do something when I magicked the mirror in the great transformation of ’97?
    It was:
    I am the most and only,
    All guys want me,
    all girls want to be me.

    It worked, and it works still, but the #genie.

    Haven’t been on dates since Mattias in March.
    And when a while ago, preparing a joint a new crying rolled out I was thinking of him standing there and what he is missing.
    The things I would have said and shared. The ideas the could’ve been born. The fun. All kinds.

    It is mostly I who’s missing out. …

  • Summon it all

    Delete the observer. You don’t need that shit all the time. It is sucking the energy into the wrong place; and it’s not yet time anyway. You are almost there by the way.

    Summon them all when you need any of your energies. It feels good to be everything I can.

    Lilith – Ishtar – Sophia – Aphrodite – Eve
    Lucifer – Orion – Enki – Thoth – Semyazi – Prometheus

    Adam is an asshole.
    fuck you adam …

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    Malleable Matrix

    Last orgasm:

    Never before.

    The O was transformed, then transported astrally away from me.
    It was taken away from me,
    I accepted, and let it go.
    I knew the O was leaving to do something important.
    I let my intention out real loud, Hasan.

    It was tantric,
    interdimensional,
    a different pallette.

    I was visited by a realm of PURITY.
    INCONNECE. CHILDishness. Trust. Love.
    UnSexual.

    CLEAR. Robust.
    Mechanical. A code.

    It was happening to me. Not in me.
    External. I let it in.
    I gave it my orgasm,
    Knowing it meant the sensual sexual aspect won’t happen.
    I gave it away like a favour,
    like a gift, like the right thing to do,
    I let it take my orgasm,
    as I sat cross-legged,
    feeling like a child in school,
    attentively focused on the mentor’s advice,
    big wide trusting eyes,
    Inquisitiveness unnecessary for this moment,
    I gave it,

    In three distinct waves it took it out from me
    from the lower left side it left,
    I could see it in my mind, energy.

    And I rode it hard with my Intention.
    Like a rode him tonight.
    Blindfolded viking,
    wrists tied behind his back,
    I gave it to him.
    He called out to me

    mama

    I hear you

    “a Virgo woman will be able to experience her sensual, earthy nature with Torus in a way that she could not with another man.”



    Dizzy [Quantum Jumps]
    Earlier, daytime:

    Instead of riding the dizzy spell and willing jumping into another dimension,
    for a reason today I firmly said no.
    It felt different.
    I was not accepting.

    I literally spoke out loud ‘shoo’ ,
    shooing it away left side with my hands.
    Three times.

    I completely released myself free from it grasp.
    It went upwards and to the left.

    Doing that felt great.
    The sick feeling, dizziness and nausea stopped in its path.
    …

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    Letter to B: Imagination History

    I write this for my own sake. This is truthful and is dedicated to you. 

    Do I begin with the beginning, or do I tell you conclusions without going into details? I’ll just go with the flow.

    I want to write. That’s always the only way to start.

    You need to know then understand why I am not surprised, or shocked to suddenly have you appear in front of me. And why I don’t feel the emotions that go with this, that could describe exactly how I feel. If you are my soulmate, wether or not I feel it, I know it could be true. I have been aware of your existence since I was little.…

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    [#Prayer] | The Divine Presence of Honor

    I feel honored. He honors me; out of appreciation.
    Out of respect. But mostly out of gratitude.
    I feel honored. He wants my mind, heart, body, & soul.

    I was sitting in front of the computer.
    I suddenly felt a huge presence of Emotion coming from behind me,
    it overwhelmed me entirely and completely.
    I had to close my eyes to process the massive amount of emotion that overcame me;
    from where… for no reason at all….…

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    Lament II

    When all that was imagined,

    comes alive and meets you face to face..

     

    When you write a character and birth him to a life,

    and now he’s alive and right there..

     

    When you wonder how a dream can turn reality,

    why do think you have fallen inside the book instead?

     

    Why so tired to even live?

    Why.

    I’m deeply asleep within my self.

    And I wonder, is the sleeping sun to blame.

     

     …

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    The #O

    LB:
    Something happened when I came.. I couldn’t stop coming.. I could see behind the veil, and it was exactly like I imagined it.. The twin energy.. The O which strips the soul to bare truth.
    I had mini waves of higher bigger better o’s in a row, but more importantly, the feeling my heart and chest opening up and releasing.
    I felt as big as the universe for a moment….…

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    #PrayerMantraMagic

    And I
    I am the most divine
    The most beautiful
    The most gorgeous
    Sexappeal shines through me
    Blinding all those who see
    Boys and girls alike
    I am true Aphrodite
    My life is full
    I am living the last moment of hell
    Though I have adapted myself sweetly
    Everything is under control
    A breezy graduation semester
    All courses are A’s so far
    And then I graduate and off to Beirut
    The land of merry-go-rounds to celebrate
    Where I am the mysterious gorgeous foreigner
    I will waltz in
    The maiden in black
    And put a spell on every girl and man
    I will go clubbing
    Dance and dance till dawn
    High high high
    The sweet relief of marijuana
    Drunk
    Sleep on the white sand beach
    And then
    And then I am back in my room
    Packing and saying goodbye
    Leaving for a brand new life
    A new start
    So chin up
    Up high my lady
    You are the one
    You are almost there
    Let butterflies fly you to the beginning of the way…