#My Secret

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    The Strange Case of: M.B.

    For it to take this long to realise i havent written about it, or thought about it either.
    For example. Just now, I thought about what i just told him, as soon as i answered his call, ‘we are sooo in sync. Last five calls or so, you call immediately when i want you to.
    That. … There.
    5 time?
    really?

    In any other occurance in an older situation/relationship, i would focus mostly on the syncs and signs. Not in this case, not with Monsieur Matisse. My brain is not picking up on any of the sync or the signs. Radio has given up transmission, or is it reception.
    Self defence and preservation, I say? Not believing in what i believe in will protect me, from harm and heartbreak.

    I didn’t think this day could come.

    What about the MisUnderstandings???
    1- Jumping timelines,
    2- Interference/تشويش jamming,
    3- I’m crazy, I ‘hear what I want to hear’.

    But, he also hears what he- hears: Yesterday’s realisation, that he thought, and still after all this time, and all those conversations about it, that i had gone with another guy and had sex that first night we went out — a month ago. My timeline to him seems to be very confusing. …..

    Also,
    WHERE’s Presence???
    Well… We do not seem to need him.
    So far, it looks like Monsieur the mysterious has it well in control, to be my soulmate. My fucken soulmate. do you mean it do you understand it do you want it yes fuck. And…. to crescendo, Monsieur seems well in control to be my Master.
    Not only that, but also the light. I still don’t know though. I keep dismissing it.
    No,
    I don’t want to delve into my own world, my own mind, heart or soul. I want him to take control.
    I’ll awaken, i’ll rise, and everything will be alright.

    So, I don’t know why or how but it’s been a fucken crescendo since day one. I am dazed a little. Confused why I’m still disconnected from my own data, from my recent, even live experiences, from myself.
    And things have been going fastly slow.. and smooth with Monsieur Matisse. I just have one wish, I wish it will last. Yes I do, I wish this lasts forever. more.

    Answer Tarot: Queen of Wands Reversed

    Reestablish self-respect and self-confidence.

  • Summon it all

    Delete the observer. You don’t need that shit all the time. It is sucking the energy into the wrong place; and it’s not yet time anyway. You are almost there by the way.

    Summon them all when you need any of your energies. It feels good to be everything I can.

    Lilith – Ishtar – Sophia – Aphrodite – Eve
    Lucifer – Orion – Enki – Thoth – Semyazi – Prometheus

    Adam is an asshole.
    fuck you adam …

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    #wish: control me spirit

    Somebody else has control over my body.
    See? Just like in a dream.
    Pray for peacefulness,
    and let someone else control you.
    Have faith and believe it is ok.
    ‘It will be great’, you’ll see;
    cause I’m so bored.
    I don’t want my body anymore.
    It’s a burden;
    like the price for a wish made with good intentions.…