Dear Rupert | Do Not send

This never happened before now. Apart from one drunken breakdown last time I saw you.
I never felt like talking to you before this, and I’m feeling what I am because my dreams are tormenting me. I’ll start with that.

I only started dreaming about you extremely recently. I don’t know how long because time makes no sense, but maybe only shorts weeks.
Not so no, I did dream about you but again only recently, this time time is in years, very rarely, a couple of times.
Then there was that very very rare nightmare, where you were there, julie and the tyrannosaurus rex in the night. That was mainly a bad dream because of what you did.

But anyway, I have been seeing you a lot in my dreams past weeks or so. It’s always the same, we are a family, we have a life and we live in a house. Only last night, this recurring dream was completely different. It was exactly the same but it was a happy family, happy house, happy children, happy husband and happy wife. I was feeling so happy and there was love abundant which nourished living together. Like soulmates. Like soulmate and family.

I woke up this time feeling sad and like I’m fallen in love with you again. I think in the dream I was regretting breaking up.
The dream is bothering me, first as it was a recurring dream that I didn’t want to have, but then had everything I wanted last dream.

Anyway, the feeling bubbled up and I cried and had to write this after lots of running in my mind from one thing to another. My bi-polarness it seems cured it. bye.

Another night, another dream. Last night I dream of you yet again. I knew I was going to. And I asked not to.
This time we connecting, we talked. We were talking about everything. We then started kissing eachother and you on top humping me.
I thought a lot in my head in that dream. First of I had killed off your new wife. She had died, and it was sad. And you were telling me how you don’t know how you could have touched or been with her, pity was it. But there were also others, actually beautiful and sexy girlfriends. I was jealous and an x of yours sat across from us (and we are back as a very powerful couple). I was not jelous that you had been with her, but that she wants you, and my arms unintentionally raises and spill a glass of drink slowly all over her head, as she was arguing. We both laughed how naughty I am.

Today I am more sad. Part of me wants to sulk in the beautiful probability, and the other aware to think it through objectively. I have no one to talk to, and wouldn’t articulate it properly anyway. But I want to have this conversation with you. What happened to you after I broke us up?
I think I need to go over what was happening with me, up till now.