Silence

For the Betterment of Me

Sitting here thinking about my ego;
so let’s think it through.

Apparently, it is my Ego, of course.
Or is it my Archetypes..

One thought at a time;
My Ego is vulnerable to the rejection.
I feel hurt, confused, insulted,
That instead of telling me we’ll be together,
you wonder what would happen to me when you’re gone.

And the Archetypes,
starting with the great mother,
who feels unnecessary,
Aphrodite’s broken heart breaks some more.
Eve, feels she has failed.
Lilith, thinks there’s been sabotage.
And Alial,
who doesn’t know what to do,
what wisdom lies here,
and how to manifest my desire,
she is lost but under a mercy of peace.

The song theme for this chapter is Enjoy the Silence.
Been listening to it for days.
Texted it to you, H.
Heard a new cover on speakers in mall while tying Julie’s laces.
Now looking for other versions, for ones that speak to me.

---

---

What wisdom lies here?

My genuinely pure efforts to love you,
to earn your love to love me back.
All that is left in your head are the last harsh word.
harmful, unnecessary words.
I wanted to hurt him.
I can move on this fast and faster.,
Get lost in the great mechanism to go on,
Lifeline of optimism,
blind faith I will be loved by the one I love,
for how I am,
for how I love,
for how he loves me.

I let my ego behave for me,
as a protest,
for the love of me,
for the honor of gods and truth.

I’m not enjoying his silence.
It speaks to me of how he does not need me.
Won’t fight for me.
I am always grateful that none of these Xs fought for me.
I think of it often,
how god forbid I would’ve been married to any of them.

Deconstructing relationships past:

From projecting my fantasies unto the poor bastard’s soul,
and my ego reacting hysterically and far into suicidal extremities,,

To completely unattaching myself in any way shape or form.
What remains is the same.
Rejection is sword through heart.

I love him, and I want to fall in love with him.
I choose to wait,
Listen to the silence.