#Log: Layers of Blockage in the Way of Awakening

Sent to snap me out of it, I instead sink deeper within the layers of familiar disconnection. I can’t connect parts of myself to me. I can’t even observe and take notes for later. And he is so patient. And I feel so dumb and out of touch with reality. I am beyond the feelings of disappointment. Beyond feeling panic and guilt of time well wasted by me.

I am taking a step back and I want to find where the energy is being blocked.

He says nothing new. Nothing new at all. I’ve been through more, back and forth. Awakening and falling back to oblivion. But it’s too much this time. It’s too much that in all these very special circumstances I find myself not having an ounce of energy to accept anything.

I tried playing different roles. I tried none at all.