#Awakening II: Part I

Liquid

The Creator

Soul Mate

 

Soul mate:

Maybe it was to have a good & evil cut. One soul mate would strive and achieve a life of love and goodness, while the other part is doing the same but in the opposite direction. When both reach the ultimate achievement of the Self, they meet, again, reunite and get a step closer to eternal reunion.

 

They will die and lead more lifetimes. the magic never leaves the generations to come. It would shrink in power with time; but this branch is for the Chosen ones. Then they All reunite in “Heaven”. these special ones have traces of knowledge in their lives.

 

Q: (But every one of them? – Yes, like apostles, and the ‘religion’ loses its stronghold with time. Mini versions of The Religions.)

 

So If am unhappy. But my soul mate is happy, then that means that he is the good one, and I am the bad.

Realization: All my life I have been striving to be happy. And what is happiness to me?

Depression. Aloneness. Pain. Black. Space. Anger. Crying.

Above all, the ecstasy of being Blissful. In other words: EVIL.

 

I could not be blissfully happy when I am wearing colorful summer dress on the sunny day. That is my dream vacation. This is what I am subconsciously building in the Layla.

While Julia is frustrated to come out, finally and completely, and the sadness of her holds on Layla’s curtains, pulling her down. Not letting her go on  and fulfil her happiness: being good, family, wife, the long awaited daughter.. The gratifying pleasure for my parent-family to be proud of me.

 

So, maybe it is not the case entirely. Maybe both the soulmates’ lives is another cut; eternal fight to win. So maybe my ?soul mate TZ Is going on through the same thing. He is happy. But he wanted to ‘turn back’. Eventhough it went a little wrong, and spoilt the trip. Maybe probably I shouldn’t have opened up the wound, after 9 years. Treasure the Memory instead, and live off it. Now I feel I found out that he is different, still Right, but his life is in a confused state, he opened up more, and gave me wrong impressions, disappointing, not because that means I cannot be Evil right away tomorrow, because I do not want that. I want to be good. Meaning: I want to give up, go back and recapture the victimized martyr role. And this makes me Sad. Disappointed with myself. That Layla wants to win the Good. And so Julia’s True mission would Fail in this lifetime. Because The Julia in Layla is too lazy. And it is the Layla in Julie who dreams of golden warm blue vacations. There is a cut inside the halves of the selves.

 

And I always felt split into blackness more willingly. My Soul should be ‘evil’. She will be blissful and not the mirrored image of T’s real soul, trying to  fulfill its mission in my Life. So I am also Fighting with my own soulmate. One of us is Evil – created by Lucifer, and one of us is Good, created by God. (PS from future: evil meaning self service.)

(That is why God asks Lucifer, who is already a God, to help him create soulmates. Lucifer is a God to one of the soulmates. My Soul. And I am supposed to be Julia. I am not supposed to be Layla. Julia is dying to come out and reclaim her soul-space. Layla is in the way, reflection – connection of  T’s soul, which was created by God. That is why he is honestly Happy about being Good.

I on the other hand, never felt any bliss when the circumstances around me were perfectly perfect in a Good and Peaceful way. Layla’s life now. Sweden Box.

 

In the end, only when both soul mates reach their destination, and complete their Self when the meet, and they will be Ying Yang. Circle. One. Complete opposites, in every single way. And it happens because both soul mates are genuinly blissful in their lives, one of good and one of evil. This is united branch of the chosen people.

That is the Other Book. The source – Liquid. Opposites attract. Complete selves make a complete soul, making the soulmates cross paths, the Soul reunites. It’s all about 2 becoming 1. Divisions. Division Bell. The song High Hopes is the Dream that the soul wants to achieve. Reunite. Eurasia. -Muse.

….

I love- need to find love stories. But I am not fully satisfied if there was a happy ending. I feel like the story was ruined. I am searching for The Love Story. It needs to end painfully. Because Pain to Julia is Bliss. And I am doing it. Because no one else will, or can. And it is such an ‘obvious idea!’ It’s because I felt, and I remember – in disconnected echoes of bliss. And then the guilt should slip off, and the regret of the outcome should disappear. It’s why you are here now. Who you are now. It means that a phase has finished, and now you have closure. And your present life is about to start. And I feel like it will be, I know that it will be the last epitaph of this life. Of Layla’s life, and the beginning of an unleashed Julia, to fulfill the True mission, of my part of the Soul.

 

And I also feel, Know, that T’s soul will fail this life time. Although he seems to be heading the right way, but he is too confused. His Selves are fighting hard, and the wrong one, the evil one, My soul in him will win. Means that Our joined generation of The Chosen Ones, would wait at least another lifetime. This Lifetime, I feel like an Old soul, as in, I feel that I should remember my old lives. I feel it. I want to do it, magic. Just prove to me, and I will do it and believe in it completely.   

 

Julia breaks out a lot. Specially to Ru. She wants to be mean to him. To control him. She wants the power. The masculinity. Lucifer is Male, God is female. Nature…?

(But how is their duality then in the first creation? The creator is female. That should be One.

And why would two Ones, The Creator and Lucifer, God and Lord.

 

I can’t think of this now. It’s early. It will happen eventually. It makes me scared. Hesitant and guilty to renounce God. Why should I pray to a lesser God, when you go to the source. But then, I would be worshipping Liquid, which is totally insane and hilarious. This is because I am skipping to the outer rims of the story.

 

My part in all this, is to worship, fulfil my own part. I am Layla, my fight is to be Julia, and I will carry on Julia to the next cycle until T is ready. My Goal is to bring back My complete soul/complete self to my also ready soulmate. They become one, the Chosen generations will come. After Armageddon, God & Lord alike will win. Hate and Love, Good and Evil will be reunited to its core, which goes back to Lucifer. The God of Evil is the First Half of the First SOUL. Means God did not succeed in his mission. Soulmates were the Tool to fulfil Love is Great and One. Not the pink version of it. But the Black one. Came down from Lucifer. Evil is not bad. Good is not good. Evil is Good, and Good is Evil. Ying Yang. One. Love is one. Then I have to recategorize Love. Not evil as in bad doing and dirt. But being a pessimist. Everything is black. Because there is a better thing. Light. Because you need to pray.

 

You love to pray. And enjoy your prayers to its intended extremes. This is what’s important. Feel genuine and free and happy when you pray. Pray by doing things that flutters your soul. Achieve that mental, emotional or physical orgasm- which lasts seconds. And when it’s gone. You enjoy the sadness and depression if you nurture it right and spend the period subconsciously praying for the glory of bliss. Of ‘heaven’. The First Soul in us remembers it. And we all should collectively help to make this happen. I don’t think that will ever happen. The story will fail.

 

But I did start this by saying both will win. Yes. It means a realization to God, from the Source. That you cannot achieve Love with no Hate. Hate is stronger, because it wants Love more than being happy. You are worshipping hate. Because without hate, you would not appreciate the Love. That means, the only one who is One in the end, is Lucifer. He loves God most of all and because of that he is better than God. He is the ultimate creation which can feel the pure form of ‘heavenly, homely love’ as he has experienced it. And now he has the ultimate full impact of being turned to the God of Hate. Lord. So he is fighting all his existence to achieve Love, but sacrificing himself to Evil, as a prayer to God. And He is so genuine and brave that he does not dare to touch Eve. Dares not to spoil the Ultimate Plan. He has the biggest battle of all inside him. The battle of Love and Hate. With his Hate he now hates God for not being able to achieve his personal Love. And He strives to be Evil for God. At the end when Lucifer breaks through (why???) he is turned Evil to the core, and the magic love story between him and Eve would end tragically by her soul’s death, end. Because the One Soul of Eve and Lucifer has reached its fullness with Evil, instead of a Balance. Eve Loved him perfectly enough to make the end a balance, But unforeseenly, Hate overpowered the balance by Lucifer committing his First Sin. The Devil’s First Sin is what ends the whole story, and it will fail in God’s eyes; but in the Source’s eye, it is exactly the right answer.

 

I want to be “lost before the dawn”. I don’t want the Night to ever end. Even my name is there for a reason. Layla. Lel. Night. Confusing the real me into thinking this is Bliss. Covering it up. I need to start falling. Break down the walls and start falling. Another cut. Which is the Final Cut though? It is the end and the beginning, isn’t it? All the cuts should happen. Life should go the way it is going. Follow the signs and go with the flow. You want this Good? Do it. You want this Evil? Do it. Balance it out. The Golden Middle. الصراط المستقيم. The Final Cut should happen there. In the middle. A little contradictory maybe?

 

“We believe in a God that cannot feel” — The Tea Party, Temptations