Nelly and A.D have had a thing going for 2 or 3 days…
she fucked him then threw him out like the other men for the past 3 weeks..
He was asking why.. What’s going on…
She wanted to ditch him but didn’t know how, though didn’t want to hurt him cause she liked him a lot..
So we go. Me and her.. To his house..
M went to work his shift @books.
I kneeled on his bed.. Didn’t want to think about anything.. As if waiting.. But I wasn’t aware that I was in fact waiting.. So I watch him.. And her.. She trying to hold and kiss him.. He looks disgusted.. And I was a little bit glad.. Don’t know why.. And I don’t know why… I felt a little tiny bit Jealous… Yeah the big J word made me think by force… And I was stunned and shocked.. Jealous??
So here we are.. In books.. At the bar.. Nelly trying to fool around.. Everyone ignores her.. Even me. I was busy.. Watching him move.. How he talked to her.. How he looked at her.. How much he is pissed off and angry.. And I watch him.. I never watched anyone and let him notice me.. But I didn’t care.. Let him notice me.. Cause I wanted that.. A little bit.. Though it was inappropriate.. But I do not care…
I found to my amusement, that he notices and wants me to notice something in return.. He is noticing me too.. There were a couple of moments.. When he is on the cash, and me infront of him to the right.. Our eyes meet.. But a strong force drives us not to dare and look away.. Those moments felt like hell.. Fucken hypnotic.. I was very relaxed and comfortably watching his eyes.. Controlling them.. But somewhere deep inside of me was someone was screaming.. Loudly.. Someone or something, trying to tell me something.. He heard that voice.. And I heard his inner voice as well.. And we look away….. He gets himself really busy to avoid this hell between us.. And I stare at the mirror in front of me, at myself.. At my beautiful hair.. My beautiful face.. My beautiful smile.. And I wonder, why am I smiling like that.. I wasn’t aware that I was foolishly, childishly smiling..
RCrystal calls to smoke with me and Nelly.. She wants to go.. I don’t.. I don’t want any weed or RCrystal or anything else.. I only want to know what is this hell I am feeling is all about.. But she drags me.. I do something really strange.. Even very weird for me.. I write my mobile number on a paper and give it to Malik.. No thinking.. Just doing.. Not caring.. Just taking action.. Malik didn’t want to take the paper.. He was pissed and told me to stay away from A.. Cause he thinks i’m going to hurt him.. Malik wants to protect A from me.. I was pissed off.. And told him, give it to him.. I know what I am doing.. Do not worry about him.. Dont.. Not saying goodbye to anyone.. Me and Nelly leave..
I drive very fast.. Escaping from something… Then I suddenly look in the rear view mirror.. And I hit breaks.. I stop.. My heart is beating so fast.. A.D from behind walks to the car… All the way he is looking at the mirror.. And I watch him.. What was going on in my mind … I don’t know.. I blacked out.. Deaf and blind I waited.. He came to Nelly’s door.. And kneeled.. Looking at me.. Not saying anything.. Indifferent calm face and voice.. He says, – where are you going?
Nelly wants to ditch him.. She wants RCrystal and weed.. I don’t know what I want anymore.. She tells me not to dare to take him with us.. For the first time.. I ignore what she wants.. Nelly Nelly Nelly.. Its not all about you .. – no where.. Come with me… It just came out of my mouth… Me.. Not us… Without any word.. Still looking at me… He gets in the car.. And I drive away.. Not until we are in the 7th circle.. That I dare and look in the mirror.. No one has said anything ever since.. Nelly was angry with me and turned the music loud.. I saw what I feared… Him looking at me.. As if he has been looking at the rear view mirror a long time ago.. Waiting for me.. A million seconds passed and we are still looking at each other’s eyes… And he asked me why did I give him my number.. – I don’t know.. Why not?
That was it…
Of course R.Crystal didn’t like the idea of me bringing a guy to smoke with us.. He told me no.. And that he wont give me anything.. I got really angry and left.. But I wished Nelly would stay there.. She didn’t.. Bitch.. Why? I don’t know.. She said that we should go to her house in shmesani..
Shmesani. I parked the car.. Left it running.. And waited for her to get out.. A.D got out too.. I don’t know why I was so sure that he will come with me.. I was very confident that Nelly will stay home alone.. Nelly and A.D, now outside the car.. Nelly says what am I waiting for.. Come on.. I look at her a long time.. Then look at him… I don’t know what was happening , but without a word, he got in the car.. Beside me.. And we never looked at Nelly again… We, drove away… The ride to .. I don’t know, books maybe.. Was nerve wrecking.. I told him not to care about Nelly.. She is a slut.. She fucked you and ditched you and it has been happening with others for the past 3 weeks… He said, – I don’t give a shit about her.. But I pity myself.. How can a girl treat me this way… Who does she think she is…
That’s it.. All the way he was looking at me in disbelief.. In a surprise… He was thinking.. Who is this Leila.. Who is she.. I was thinking the same thing about him.. Never did something like this happen to me before.. Planned out by my heart and becoming true.. Reality.. Second by second..
So I slow down in front of books.. Wanting to go to his home.. Not books… He is looking at me still.. In the same way.. And he says.. Go to my house..
“here we are…” I was thinking to myself… We were sitting on his bed.. Foolishly… Lost.. And confused.. There were no formalities.. No questions about our age.. Our schools.. Our daily lives.. Our how are you’s.. We started talking about serious things in life.. So easily and simply we began… And so easily and magically the connection between our eyes… Effected and moved to the level of words.. We knew what to talk about just by looking at each others eye.. Aaaahhh his eyes.. They seduce me like a virgin.. Slowly for us…but so fast to the world we fell in love… Deeply in seconds.. While talking about life, death, Jim Morrison… It was the best time I ever talked and listened to someone.. Because there was a connection.. There was one.. And slowly it began evolving and taking shape.. Till we saw it… Saw each other kiss.. I was so lost in the moment.. That I don’t even remember what happened.. One minute we were talking, and the other I was kissing the man.. I am madly in love with…
It was just like a dream.. Meant to be.. We both knew for sure that this is meant to be… We just went with the flow.. With no control.. No chains.. We were just being ourselves.. Simple.. Everything was very, very simple.. But with a grand magical glorious effect… And slowly i began to realize what the hell was going on..
->everyone of us has a picture of the perfect man\woman in our head.. Since we are little boys and girls.. We draw the hair we want.. Colors.. eyes.. body.. lips.. skin.. hands.. fingers.. We even try to imagine a voice.. The personality.. What he likes, what words and phrases he uses.. How cool he is.. The music he listens to.. The clothes he wear.. How he sits. .walks.. talks.. Smiles.. laughs.. His teeth.. His principles in life.. His ideas.. His life style.. His goodness.. His evilness.. His strengths and weaknesses.. Anyway… What I want to say.. Is all my life, I have been imagining and dreaming of a man who is exactly like me, but a boy.. A pretty pretty perfect prince.. Who thinks like me.. Who loves like me.. Who wants all the exact things I want in my life..
This I have found in him.. In my A., My angel.. Every word he says, is what I want to tell my loved one.. Every move he makes, is what I want to show him.. He is me… With him, I always feel like I am thinking aloud.. That he hears what goes on in my head..
So the first day was an unbelievable shock, for both of us.. We spent the whole day just staring at each other.. Trying to believe what our eyes see.. What our heart feels…trying to realize that the One we have been searching for all these years.. Going through all the pain for… But then surrendered and failed finding, was suddenly right there, in front of me.. In front of him..
