I Am Not Me | I’m the conclusion of others

Why must I remind myself I am dreaming
Why must I remind myself to relax
Why am I on edge every single minute
Why can’t I be me, like the rest of these idiots.
Why am I unconfident
restless
nervous

My mind runs on nothing
Where has the enlightenment gone
Where has the self-riotousness disappeared to
Am I panicking because there is the other
looking at me
Expecting something from me
Are they expecting me to be perfect
or am I
Are they expecting to see flawless beauty
or am I
Are they expecting to hear poetry and wisdom
or am I
Are they expecting to leave as a better person

Who am I to them
Why does it matter to me
Why am I the conclusion of others
Why am I doing this to myself
Where has all the glory of magnificence gone

I want to be free
free free
of me
of the shackles of what I think they want me to be
the chains that I weigh myself down with
to be somebody else
someone I don’t want to be

I am free
I am light
I am beauty
I am wisdom
I am relaxed
I need no one’s approval
I don’t need my own approval
I have to somehow disengage from my host
and revive my mind and soul
Fuck you laila,
I am going home.