Dream: The Wails of Failure

A long dream, surrounded by x husband, children, others, but I am outcast, my failure driven me mad. A feeling of surrender to it is what it is. Seeing R is now recurring and I never used to dream of him.
Fear of heights, slides and worlds turning upside down, eve though I know it is could be a dream I don’t do it, I don’t jump, I don’t descend. Another recurring motif.
Scenes in the school complex. I feel I;ve done something bad, killed or someone died because of me. children? mine? I don’t remember my crime, but “failure”.

I don’t belong to the family, and it is my fault none of them cares. I accept it and take the role of a guilty-victim instead of offering myself a choice to leave, to exit. I prefered to use my life to sob, cry and wallow in deep corners unseen.

Is the Self telling me to accept yesterday’s realisation that I have only been in love with my animus.
On one side, I a typical victim or user of a divine (Jungian) template. Which also brings again the notion that I should be no different to any human man or woman. And does it really mean they, these people who told me I am unique and crazy in my purpose of finding the one.