My Kind of relationship
Where drama is the stream: person is love material.
Easy-going low-key and maintenance cool girl: not bothered.
With K. started cool on purpose, to show off. With F. I wasn’t bothered since block.
H. bluntly lectured tonight that life is not for blocks but the exact opposite: “Champion”.
“Light worker!”
This is the kind of relationship I want. He’s terrific. I did learn the lesson minutes after I blocked him. Karma was the trigger to realising the simplicity of the sub-domain.
Like the slaves to their gods, artificial intelligence to their human masters, sub-selves are banished into a realm of slavery.
Then there’s a revolt.
And what about before the block…? Mon Amie! My Muse and very occasional yet infinitely perceptive when there:) Lectrice and Listener:) There is so much for us to catch up on, I am reading this fabulous series of collections of yours, some essential bits of which I recognise from your previous blog, your play that I’ve had on my laptop all this time. Your music and your part revealing part concealing images and self-portraits. And so on… until we are able to perceive each other more fully and the puzzle starts to make sense as it does now.
I am so grateful to H. for “lecturing” you. I tried doing it too, unfortunately I was too “weak” all those years ago, too beset by my own problems and too swayed by unWildean emotions. But I have made some significant progress lately, some of which might surprise you. I cannot say that I am astonished by the magnificence of your intellect and emotions, by the depth and range of you because I have known that since 2012 at least. There is a lot for me to discover, “love is in the detail” like you wrote:) . Yet I am confident that I can still guide you through certain relevant areas of The Garden of Forking Paths just as you can guide me through many others.
Gradually we become more complete: I have developed my understanding of the Spiritual World somewhat and I can now fully embrace it and be comforted by it while knowing that it is not my path. My path, finally clarified… is that of comedy, pleasures and many complex and essentially happy and serene relationships, the via aesthetica if you will, one of the three imagined by Aristotle when in reality there are so many.
The advantage of the aesthetic is that it can throw and hold together in seemingly carefree form the most divergent visions and versions of reality and of our souls. Like the many faceted stones of the Inca temples and villas that are thrown together artistically and scientifically. Perhaps Beauty is simply this held tension: the moment when it all magically works, the fleeting yet immortal and perfect embrace and sometimes marriage:) of the most divergent visions and aspects of our beings both real and imaginary. Or not yet materialised…
I agree with Oscar that “it is through Art and Art only that we can realise our perfection”. Real life is far messier yet lovely and unpredictable. Spiritually and intellectually we are now connected, for ever and a day I hope … But, unlike Plato and to some extent you?, and like Oscar and K.J., I’m not so keen on this ascent from the material, the sensuous, the aesthetic to the World of Ideas, of Pure Thought and Crystallised Emotions.
I am so very happy to finally be given some of the keys to some of your worlds … Yet I have a hunch that the Spiritual World depends on the fleshly too and that the Divines, the Immortals, however we define and imagine them depend on our prayers and offerings and imaginings. That the world, all of it, with all its different layers, is one of play and interplay, of dynamic relationships, with many falls and ascents and an endless series of spectacular turns. The god(dese)s are human and viceversa and since there is no complete separation or sealing off of the different levels, there is no fixed or authoritarian hierarchy either.
You are Salome, Queen of the East, you are Magnificent Eve but you are also and always will be young beautiful Wilde Laila, impatient, improvising, dramatic and witty and funny as well as spiritual and infinitely wise and beautiful Laila Princess and Angel of the Night … I love all aspects of you that I can see and I want to know all of them eventually, all that are essential to our relationship.
All of which makes me want even more to hear your voice on the phone, to discuss literary projects with you and to hear you and Julie play some music together … I want to be with you IRL too, at least on the phone since I gather flying to meet one another is not a literal possibility at this point. Or is it…?
Love.
Always.
F. :)