Enough, please.

I can’t hold it in, my feelings are exploding inside, and I will to express them.

I am aching to properly connect to you, I’m hurting, I’m writing this shit.

It’s not like the previous shit. Got my shit together.

This bipolar rollercoaster the past week has grown in intensity; it’s good and significant. Last night I wholeheartedly cried for an hour in my standoff against the cosmos. Today I feel great, it was my last day at work. And I don’t know when the last time was I could cry.

To feel this much after all this time.. 

Throughout the day, I’m stolen away by some force and I feel physiologically connected to you. My deep missing of your many layers nourishes me and raises the longing and aching to be with you and feel your skin, and it culminates in my heart into heartbreak. And then just as fast, I’m blissfully aware of what matters most: having you energy in my life, yang to my ying. The ecstasy of gratefulness, oh happiness, relief, energy so high life flies.

I missed you deeply today, and I watched a video you sent me driving up to the mountains.

And then I thought about how you want to be loved for being who you are.

And I thought about the way I watched the vid, without thoughts in my head, with the rush of falling in love between the sways of the music, hypnotized by your aura, aroused by your darkness and light, feeling your own emotions.

I see you, we talk to each other, I look in your eyes, I see Karim.

Karimi.

I want to love my Karim for being perfect for me as he is.

It’s hurting you’re not with me, you’re in your own bubble, forcing me into mine. More growing up to do before we really fall for each other?

Sigh. I hate you universe.

You think going slower than the flow could be better.

The flow is fast for a reason. And my energies are overflowing and you’re not- there to receive what I want to give you.