#Log

Strange days these past have been.

Even I don’t know what I am doing, but I am doing it systematically.

I can’t describe it

I can’t put a label on it

But this is how I feel.

Right now, for instance,

I am sitting on the floor of the sunny breezy roof

I have had a good morning so far.

Amazingly so too..

I come here because I want to come back to the bubble

The dome in which recently I can dwell in

But today I realise I have come, not knowing what I want

Forgetting what I have learnt last night

I am forgetting everything

I need to write it all down

 

Last night, julia broke me free

The room was locked, it was bedtime.

Quality time

Perhaps because with her in here is so easy,

That I immediatly crashed into the wall behind me

I even did it retualistically

I, as an observer interfered,

Mid play

Mid scene

While she was laughing and kissing me

On top of me

Seeing how genuinly happy she feels,

I interefered and took the attention of the being that is my body,

And talked to her,

Imperatively

To stop it and let go

She was looking up to me, with big eyes

Worried about herself,

And accepting any order,

And I ordered,

For her to love her daughter back.

She did it.

Immediatly after she saw the Muse – isolated system video reply in her mind

And she turned around,

Intending to run towards the coming tsunami of change,

But she nervously balanced herself again,

To get gain a moment to think it through

When she realised that the tsunami is about her right now,

Right the second she decided to change plans,

And brace herself for the collision

And as her body turned into stone

Her soul leaped

And it was ok

And the flood of emotions returned

Filling every anadonened shore in her body

Barren for years and years

And it was love

It was happiness

It was tripping

It was a dream moment

I kissed her back

And laughed and giggled

I allowed her be free

As free she is, the free-er I might be

**

I was tripping

And I knew it

Then plunged into the experience

Handsfree

The flashbacks I had where of me and nader kh., perhaps the only. But I did check reference it with ahmadA. and even nasser for a tiny bit, but not sure if with tawfeeq.

But nader was the first image+experience (feeling). I was there with him in the dark for a second, and it was as real as the memory actually was. Dark, under the bedsheets, high, and in love. I felt all the attraction points active, all at once, and also felt his transmittion to me.

There was nothing really wrong about our relationship, me and nader.

There was dave matthews band,

There were j parties

There was the sapiosexual aspect, of which I remember nothing about,

And the sexual attraction of course, was avaliable, greatly so

Dramatic twists of tragedy, yes, he was christian, much older, yet my husband is older than him..

I acted out the scenes of the tragedy and sacrifice as well,

I had bought a silver, beautiful simple cross,

Stood infront of his bedroom window

Afternoon, in this cozy world,

Far far away from my life

The sex was bad. Not that bad. Simply perhaps I wanted to come, and it was a big deal

Because that meant I wasn’t in love with him.

I was settling.

So I must have broken free. Disappeared on him without a trace.

**

Ahmad D. was fun

He was the musical

I fell in love with him the second I saw him looking at me.

He had total control of my body and attention

Thoughts

It’s those times when two people suddenly cross paths,

And with a few words of pleasurable affect,

Both find themselves under the sheets of the passion cave

The sex