from TDK: letter

Eclipsed
Dearest Laila aliaL LB,

I am grappling with how or where I should start this. . . perhaps overthinking how not to understate it, or vice versa. Please have a seat and read without any distraction. Be fully present in this moment with me as I attempt to write you a letter proper. If you have a J, light it up before you continue (pause). If you can see the moon from where you are, let it shine in your eyes, take a few deep breaths and redirect your attention here on your screen as I bare my soul to you as purely as possible in English, god willing.

Empty, enlarged, facetious, flagrant, exaggerated, exploited, weaponized, combative words need not apply here. Of nonsense you will find none. Obliterated will be all tomfoolery, all linguistic lunacy, all rogue antics, all hypocritical excitations.
No elevated blood pressures. No racing pulse. Simple heart lingo only. Elegantly appropriate. Earnest and forthright, without pretension. Any assumed embellishments or polished words will be wholly sincere and genuinely thought out – No bullshit.
No buttering you up with fantastical dramas. No dark sarcasm. No white lies. No absurdity of verbiage, no errant deliveries – No sharp tongue. Not a hint of smoke or mirror. Only proper, immutable truths- Just the facts. Loveliness strung out in text. Inspired, spirited testimony….not exactly the first, and certainly not the last.
Though we seem to be at odds with each other and destined to live separate lives, you are my twin.

So, with that long-winded intro I do hope you take this to heart, for that is where this is coming from. Full Stop.

I have said kind words to you and I have said mean words – even spit fire. The extremes have been covered, and I have meant it all in those moments. There is a grand dichotomy in my relationship to you.
Such is life with one foot in this world and one in the other; with an eternal soul and a temporary body. All the business of our lives piled up into the people that we are.
I wish we had more or less grown up together. I wish we could of have met at young ages. I would have loved that so much. I’m crying just thinking about it. (Break)

I like you.
I wish I was able to be in the present moment more often. I remember you stressing that about yourself around when we first started talking. If only I could have been in the present moment when we met. More than anything I regret that. But had we grown up together since young adulthood, I would have a soulmate and a best friend. Best friend in the whole wide multiverse.

You’re the most wonderful specimen I’ll ever stumble across, LB. That’s the beautiful truth. There is no such thing as somebody like you – and besides, what am I going to do. . . love someone because they’re similar to you? That’s how it’s going to be for me; to settle. Can’t be.

I now have the strongest urge to have a little girl(or boy) and to start a family. I want that so much all the sudden in my life. That is because of you. You’re a beautiful mother. And because I see myself when I see you, I feel like I could be an equal father. I want you to be the mother of my child. I want us to create a little person – if I may still be honest (I have to be honest with myself.)

There’s such a strong love for you coursing through my veins and vibrating my entire being. You are irradiating me. You’ve indeed transformed me for the better; you’ve waken me up back into myself, to what I want to create in my life. I absolutely love you for that. Thank You.
I miss my girl. You must remind me of her. Is that it? I think it’s you – but we’re not destined for each other here.
Some day in space and time I am going to marry you. . . and make love to you. . . and be with you. I must. If that’s a thousand years away so be it. I’ll be there.

I love your voice. I love how eloquently you speak. I love how your mind works and how many cylinders it fires on. I love how integrated both hemispheres of your brain are. Moving both your eyebrows separately…. I Love that, I Adore that. I would melt into the floor just to see that again. You’re so cute!!! You’re so beautiful – in so many ways. I will love you Forever.
I love the music you make, and I love the music that you like(that you think I hate) because you love it, even if it’s not exactly my cup of tea. I love your tea.
It’s occurred to me that’s what happens when you truly Love someone; that’s what happens and is happening with you; everything that surrounds you becomes beautiful; it’s all a part of your backdrop.
I Love how magnificently you write. You are a scribe for the ages. I want to read everything you chance to write down. I loved most all of the things you’ve said/sent to me. I loved when you let me into your mind; when you opened up to me or were vulnerable in any way. I loved every call and response.
You inspire me in so many ways…

One day I will marry you, amidst the purples and pinks of space, as the entire cosmos looks upon us and smiles. One day I will dance across a starscape with you and embrace you in a dozen dimensions and kiss you into Godhood – with a capital G. I will hold your hand through the stargates.

You are half a part of me.

I dedicate my future achievements to you, LB. You are my Muse. You are my Influence. You are the Princess. You are the Matriarch. You are the Pharaoh Queen Bee. You are Superb.

I LOVE YOU.

Your Friend,
TDK