#WAK

Chat (2008-2012)

Wissam: : Akkila

21/03/2008, 23:18 Wissam:

alive?

26/03/2008, 21:02 Laila:

Hi Wissam: . Keef halak?

27/03/2008, 00:26 Wissam:

i’m good, enty keefek? whats your news?

27/03/2008, 11:31 Laila:

I’m good too. I am leaving back home to Sweden tonight. I was in Amman for a couple of weeks visiting my family.

I finished my MA in 10 months! and starting my Phd next january. Busy working, busy buying a house in the countryside, happily married. How are you?

I need to apologize for my behavior. I dont want to go into details, i want us both to forget it. I was young and dumb. inta kunt ektar wa7ad mu7taram t3arafit 3aleh bi 7iati bil 2urdun. and there is no excuse in the world to explain why i treated you like i did. so i apologize and wish that you have forgiven me.

Layla

27/03/2008, 13:29 Wissam:

you wrok so hard laila, good for you, keep up the hard work and belsalameh inshallah

and you know what, it was very nice to apologize coz i really did not understan why you did that!! its finished and we all over it but at least i know now that know what u did and you appreciated me

anyway…. lemme hear from you and by the way… i really liked you laila but you wasted me coz enty habouleh

salam

27/03/2008, 16:59 Laila:

You know what, i now feel much better knowing that you dont hate me. i have always wanted to say that i am sorry, but i was scared you would send back an angry reply. are you in jordan? what are you doing?

27/03/2008, 23:39 Wissam:

no i am not in jordan, you know what? i saw you in 2005 when i was in Amman, i visited amman in 2005 and 2007, you were driving your car the green Pejute in Abdoun i guess, and i saw Arifa in a concert and i asked her about you, bas ma a3tatni ay she posative that i can contact you again or not!! i dont i felt from her talk that you are living your world and you dont want to contact people.

anyway i work and live in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia, i always come to europe by the way, germany is like my second home

01/04/2008, 14:46 Laila:

why don’t you pass by one day then when you are in Germany. It will be nice to see you again.

01/04/2008, 15:34 Wissam:

oh i would love to ….. but you are married! i always wanted you in the past…

01/04/2008, 23:40 Laila:

Don’t get any ideas. you’ll meet my husband. you can stay over in our guest house. we just bought a house in the country side. its beautiful and peaceful and green here. you will love it and appreciate a nice and real vacation! i told Rupert about you long ago. that i feel guilty and awful the way i treated you. he encouraged me to write you an apology. Rupert is very cool and understanding. one of his x’s keeps coming over. so don’t worry. the offer stands, so come over whenever you like.

02/04/2008, 14:52 Wissam:

Thank you laila , once i have the chance i will consider your offer:)

27/06/2010, 11:39 Laila:

Hi Wissam: , Keefak? My brother wants to buy an electric guitar, and he is only 13. He is asking me about all these difference names, but I dont know anything about this.. can you maybe help? Here is his message, it is hard to paraphrase things I dont understand

…………………………

we went to 3 stores and they only have fenders and squiers (squier is a sub company of fender) they have fender stratocaster (1500$) and 2 squier stratocaster (499$, 225$) I’m gonna go with the 225 one, because i dont know if im gonna like it or if im gonna be good at it etc.. but this is confusing me. is it good for metal?! not much results on google, but they say a squier strat is good for punk rock. and i won’t play punk rock. an ibanez is obv. better for a metal guitar, but i cant find any.. and the place that sells fenders and squiers i got a 20% discount. should i find an ibanez or get the squier strat for 20$ off? is it a good metal guitar?

……….

Thanks kteeer

27/06/2010, 18:00 Wissam:

tell your littile bro… the squier can be played for metal if it has double pickups

there is 2 factors:

1- the budget: for sure the more expensive the better guitar you get, but since you are a bigginner (i mean he is the egginner, i am talking on behalf of you ) its better to start with not an expensive guitar.

2- style of music: the Squier ( and fender too) is good for blues, punk rock and alternative rock, especially the stratocaster models, BUT.. if u took a squier guitar with double pickups it will work.

you have to know that the METAL sound doesnt come from Guitar only, it depends also on the amplifier and on the effects pedals

but you have to learn how to play guitar first andthen you will be able to play some metal music so you dont have to buy V.Good Guitar!

Conclusion: Take the squier with double pickups (its a must with double pick ups) and welcome to the very long way called METAL —————————————————————————

mnee7 haik ya laila? his name is Mosallam right?

yalla bye for now

27/06/2010, 20:37 Laila:

Thanks for the reply. I told him and he went and got the squier. but he has a problem. when he turns the gain all the way up the noise is horrible, and he cant even hear the guitar. the amp is a marshal mg10.. i seem to remember that you shouldnt turn it all the way up.. no? thanks for your help

say hi to the mrs. to be.. yeah his name is Musallam. I cant believe you remember that

27/06/2010, 23:21 Wissam:

sure i am gonna remember his name!! men kotor hada el esem ya3ni ?

anyway…if he wants to play the distortion (metal sound): click on the distortion bottom, turn the gain all the way up to the maximum, but the volum the minimum! ya3ni gain el maximu wel volum on the first or second step

bas! sho kaman bedo el a5 musallam?

28/06/2010, 11:18 Laila:

hehehe thanks for the tips!

Wissam:

welcome

10/04/2011, 23:08 Laila:

its the protective lenses. i couldnt sleep for the first two nights. my eyes were so dry and they prescribed me Optive among other ones. didnt seem to help, but make things much worse when i used the “refreshing” optive. in normal cases, i could never leave my lenses on and sleep, not even for half an hour nap. my eyes went dry and the lens scratched my eyes and sometimes got lost in my eye. my sister is not like that, she sleeps with her lenses on for days and it never bothers her. so the scenario they were giving me was based on people like my sister. the protective lens wouldnt bother them as much as it did me. and now…they say that what happened to me is fine, nothing wrong with that. but the important thing here is that i warned them that i cannot sleep with lenses on, and they said nothing like that would happen, they lied to me. and so, i didnt know what was going on the first 2 days, and i tell you, i was emotionally traumatised. if this was america i would have sued them for lack of information and lying to my face. i started using Refresh instead of Optive and it is day and light difference, i could open my eyes and sleep and everything.

12/04/2011, 22:07 Laila:

just a hobby gotten out of control thanks for the vote

15/07/2011, 10:08 Wissam:

you can find the story of other songs by the end of the clip.. enjoy

The Story of “Light My Fire” by The Doors youtube.com

09/09/2011, 21:56 Laila:

oh daddy Wissam: !! alf mabroooooook :)))))

11/09/2011, 08:52 Wissam:

allah yebarek feeki

3o2bal tjeebi bobbo wa ana ajeeb bobbyeh

11/09/2011, 09:49 Laila:

you’re gonna make a great daddy

10/04/2012, 08:59 Wissam:

Layla…

Laila:

hi

Laila:

keefak

Wissam:

i am good

Wissam:

what about you Layla?

Laila:

i have to get my daughter ready for school.. or 7adana i should say.. i’ll reply when i get to work

Laila:

but i am good

Laila:

later

Wissam:

ok then

Wissam:

catch ya later

10/04/2012, 18:50 Laila:

sorry.. what a day..it’ll be nice if we can pick this up some other time

Laila:

11/04/2012, 06:58 Wissam:

God morgon, att vi kan chatta senare

Wissam:

доброе утро, что мы можем общаться позже

Wissam:

bonjour, bien sûr, nous pouvons discuter plus tard

11/04/2012, 10:08 Laila:

Laila:

you’re in a good mood

Wissam:

Wissam:

maybe

Wissam:

keefek?

Laila:

fine.. not the kindda morning i was expecting though

Laila:

something dumb happened

Laila:

wasted 2 and a half hours of my life

Laila:

and banzeen

Wissam:

its ok

Wissam:

allah ye3eenek

Wissam:

how is lttile julia

Laila:

she’s good

thanks

Laila:

how’s your new baby?

Laila:

do you like being a dad?

Wissam:

my new baby is az3ar

Wissam:

and fine

Wissam:

7amdolellah

Laila:

yetraba bi 3izkom nshallah

Wissam:

and yeah its good to be a dad

Wissam:

i enjoy it

Wissam:

ma3 eno mtale3 3ain abo elle 5alefooni

Wissam:

bas i like it

Laila:

:)))))) hahaha thats part of the magic

Laila:

its all worth while

Laila:

she zakarak fieie?

Wissam:

ma ba3raf

Wissam:

ajeet 3a bali

Wissam:

shoftek haik online wa haik eno Laylaaaaaaa

Laila:

well i remembered you 2 days ago while i was watching the doors movie.. and i thought i should go back to that video you send me about their songs, long ago

Wissam:

aaah

Wissam:

the doors

Wissam:

pink floyd

Laila:

i’m rediscovering them now

Wissam:

zakarteeni fe kteer sha3’lat

Laila:

you now julia is named after Julia Dream

Wissam:

yeah

Wissam:

there is a song dayman betzakerni feeki

Wissam:

a song called Faint i guess

Wissam:

linkinpark

Laila:

hahaha yeah

Laila:

wow shu zaman

Laila:

creed bizakruni feek, and akeed metallica

Wissam:

wallah i still remember the first time i heard it with you

Laila:

so long ago.. what was it,, 2003?

Wissam:

yeah

Wissam:

so2al

Wissam:

laman tetzakari hai el ayam, (eza btetzakareeha aslan) you smile or bte7ki la7alek Eh ?

Wissam:

Laila:

i will be honest with you. i smile, because you are the nicest person i had ever met, and then i feel horrible because i feel terribly guilty for what had happened. you caught me at a really bad time in my life, everything was out of control. we could have been good together if i met you later

Wissam:

oh

Wissam:

u dont have to say that

Wissam:

ma3 enni i liked what i said bsara7a

Wissam:

what happened happened

Laila:

of course i do. i will always feels bad about this. nothing will change that. i’m just happy you still want to have contact with me

Wissam:

i liked what you said i mean

Wissam:

bas fe sha3’leh nefsi a7keeki yaha

Laila:

say it

Wissam:

dont know if i said it before or not , not sure

Wissam:

remember a5er she laman enti left me faj2a

Wissam:

wa i tried to contact you and bla bla

Laila:

yes

Wissam:

a5er she seret a7ki bedi el CD player which i gave it to you as a gift

Wissam:

sa7?

Laila:

yes

Wissam:

el mohem

Laila:

you still want it?

Wissam:

the reason why i said this is to see you

Laila:

i still have it

Wissam:

lol la2 tab3an

Laila:

oh!

Laila:

really?!

Wissam:

never wanted to get back aslan

Wissam:

yeah

Wissam:

u refused to meet me

Laila:

no i remember the phone call clearly

Wissam:

and i wanted to meet you

Wissam:

so i took the CD player subject as a reason

Wissam:

to convince you to meet you

Wissam:

but when you let a guy answer my call

Laila:

you said that you don’t want the cd, you want to break it in front of me. and i was scared to meet you because i knew i was wrong and i am hurting you for no good reason, or even an explanation. and i couldn’t face you.

Wissam:

yeah

Wissam:

but i remember bardo i told you i want the player back

Laila:

the guy was my best friend then..

Wissam:

el mohem kan bedi ashoofek

Laila:

well i had no idea you felt that way. i really thought you want some kind of revenge. to scare me at least

Wissam:

bas etdaya2et kteer eno sar this guy to meet me to give me the CD player

Wissam:

so

Wissam:

i ignored and lat go

Laila:

i’m sorry

Laila:

ktter

Wissam:

revenge!

Wissam:

come on layla

Wissam:

ma 3omro tele3 menni ay she bedol eno momken a3mel haik

Wissam:

ya3ni el mafrood te3rafeeni

Laila:

i goess i didn’t know anything back then

Wissam:

i felt bad eno i failed to make you understand that i wanted to meet you

Wissam:

and i felt bad that you scared of meeting me

Wissam:

bas

Wissam:

hada elle kan nefsi a7keelek yah

Wissam:

eno akeed ma bedi el CD player

Wissam:

ana kan bedi ashoofek and talk to you

Laila:

what would you have said to me if i met you

Wissam:

dont know

Wissam:

i was sure eno there is something wrong

Wissam:

i was sure eno u were not ok

Wissam:

not stable

Wissam:

and i was sure eno ma sar she ye5aleeki haik tetsarafi

Wissam:

fa kan bedi shoofek wa afham menek

Wissam:

barken laman tshofeeni face to face tedreki ennek 3’altana

Laila:

well if that had happened, you would have saved me from years of suffering, which i still suffer from even today

Laila:

things would have been very different

Wissam:

ma32ool?

Wissam:

ye5reb bait mo5ek eza enti haik 3endek feelings

Wissam:

why then you did this?

Wissam:

girl ya3ni what happened made me believe that whatever you had feelings for me was fake

Laila:

no

Laila:

nothing was fake

Laila:

i was going through a deep downward spiral, and you came in right at the end, and you were making things better. but suddenly i continued going downwards, and it ended up pretty bad. and i had to literally start life all over again. the end of 2003 was the last thing i remember. up until 2006, i start to remember things. because things were getting slowly better.. i left jordan for one

Wissam:

wallah ya layla its up to you if u want to tell me what happened with you

Wissam:

or not

Wissam:

but in the end

Wissam:

nothing will happen

Wissam:

and

Wissam:

i have no bad feelings for you

Wissam:

bel3aks

Laila:

i’m glad about that

Wissam:

sa7ee7 you confused me

Laila:

you know i still have your picture, the one with the white shirt

Wissam:

wa daya2teeni

Wissam:

bas sar elle sar

Wissam:

which pic?

Laila:

i’ll show you

Laila:

one sec

Wissam:

i am amazed sara7a eno you still have the CD player and have a pic for me

Wissam:

that means you were sincere

Laila:

of course i was

Laila:

give me you mail address

Wissam:

the same address

Wissam:

freewiss@hotmail.com

Wissam:

did you love me layla?

Wissam:

or liked me?

Laila:

i wouldn’t keep memories of you if i hadn’t

Wissam:

loved or liked? i dont know but i wish to know

Laila:

what difference would it make? but i did love you, and i am sure that if somehow we stayed together, my life would have turned out very differently

Wissam:

ma ra7 yefre2 she tab3an

Wissam:

bas sara7a layla after what happened i really did not know what is real and what is not

Laila:

see that is the question i

Laila:

i always asked myself

Laila:

what were you really feeling about me? and did me coming in and out of your life affect you at all? i always felt like no.. and you wanted revenge for wasting your time or something

Wissam:

shoofi

Wissam:

revenge akeed la2

Wissam:

i am not that type of persons

Wissam:

sometimes i look aggressive yeah

Wissam:

but i dont do such things

Wissam:

its silly

Wissam:

and…

Wissam:

in any relationship

Wissam:

ya btestmer ya la2

Wissam:

even in a very nice beautiful perfect relationship

Wissam:

there is no guarantee for continuity

Wissam:

what happened with us

Wissam:

i knew that you had issues and you were not happy

Wissam:

for some reasons you told me me about before

Wissam:

anyway

Wissam:

we both clicked

Wissam:

we both had good time

Wissam:

i was sure that i gave you my best

Wissam:

not because i am acting or faking it

Wissam:

i was sincere with you

Wissam:

i did what i did because that was me at least with you

Wissam:

and i wanted to help you

Wissam:

because i cared about you

Wissam:

when suddenly you flipped

Wissam:

you made me really

Wissam:

really confused

Wissam:

i felt like i was stupid

Wissam:

what i did wrong?

Wissam:

why this is happened

Wissam:

sadly i had no answers

Wissam:

and this is what really za3alni

Wissam:

eno i had no asnwers

Wissam:

akeed wa2taha t3’ayar fekreti 3annek

Wissam:

wa seret eno ashok fe kol she 3melteeh ma3i

Wissam:

bas ba3dain i was sure eno kan malek she

Wissam:

wa ana ma sawait she

Wissam:

yeste72 had kollo

Wissam:

bas hada elle sar

Wissam:

and i got over it

Wissam:

bas wallah layla bakoon kazzab law ba7keelek mosh far2a ma3i

Wissam:

nefsi kan a3raf eno laih haik sar

Wissam:

laih haik 3melti

Wissam:

did you love me or not?

Wissam:

did i do something wrong?

Laila:

i did

Laila:

no

Wissam:

its nice to 7elo eno halla2 te7keeli hal 7aki

Wissam:

bsara7a ma ra7 ye3’ayer she

Wissam:

what happened happened

Wissam:

bas bsara7a

Wissam:

ana 7abaitek

Wissam:

and its nice to feel that i was ahbal and this girl ma kanat testahal

Wissam:

its nice to know that no, hai el benet btestahal bas ma sar naseeb

Wissam:

coz i really had good time with you , nice memories

Wissam:

7elo eno sa7bet el memories hai tkoon metel ma 3reftaha

Wissam:

i guess i am talking kteer

Wissam:

the one who should talk maybe is you

Laila:

i can’t believe the things you say. i feel even more terrible now.. i can’t be sorry enough..

Wissam:

noooo

Wissam:

dont say that

Wissam:

3an jad dont say that

Wissam:

take a pic of you now

Wissam:

nefsi ashoofek halla2

Laila:

i never expected you to come to me for explanations.. after almost 10 years. it proves that what i have been carrying with me all these years, is not only true, but even worse. i did hurt you, and you did get hurt. you cared. i maybe convinced myself that you don’t care, it didn’t affect you, to make it easier on me. being selfish yet again. that was my problem… and i still fight this to this day

Laila:

ok i will

Laila:

you too

Wissam:

yeee kalamek 7elo

Wissam:

ma ba3raf eno ana haik 3’ali 3endek or enti lahal darajeh metday2a

Wissam:

its a strange day today

Wissam:

but i like it

Laila:

i’m just as shocked as you are.. i’m shocked that you are really the nicest person in the world, the one i always thought you were

Laila:

and that i really did you wrong

Laila:

it’s make me regret all this in a different way now

Wissam:

there is something silly

Wissam:

can be honest with you ?

Laila:

yes

Wissam:

eno ma3loomeh shway naughy or 3aib

Laila:

hahaha adesh 3umrak!!

Laila:

naughty or 3eb

Wissam:

bte3rafi eno laman da2at feyeh el denya ba7awel a3raf eno laih haik 3emlat

Wissam:

i had an idea eno maybe she felt like i am gay!

Laila:

HAHAHAHAHA

Laila:

no

Wissam:

because i had that chance to do it with you but i did not

Wissam:

maho ya layla believe me you shocked me kteer wa2taha

Laila:

i really believed that you had religious value there.. and that is one of the biggest reasons i loved you. that you are so cool

Wissam:

wa 3an jad ma ba3raf laih

Wissam:

ana kteer sada2tek ennek you love me wa eno ana mohem fe 7ayatek

Wissam:

bas faj2a haik troo7i

Wissam:

made me haik eno mosh fahem she

Laila:

can i be honest with you?

Wissam:

still ana ba7ki kteeer!

Wissam:

tab3an

Laila:

i have a question. did it cross your mind that maybe, she has to sleep with every boyfriend she has, and that because i am not sleeping with her, she left me. that she is is basically a whore.

Laila:

be honest

Laila:

i want to know what you felt like back then

Wissam:

i had this doupte

Wissam:

doubt

Wissam:

but

Laila:

ok thank you for being honest

Wissam:

ma ektana3et

Laila:

you know,

Wissam:

its like that

Wissam:

mosh 2osset whore or something

Wissam:

2osset eno ana ma nemet ma3aha fa maybe she felt bad or something, or what the hell i did how come i did not do that so maybe i left bad impression or bad effect

Wissam:

haik she

Wissam:

3omri ma fakaret eno whore or anything else

Wissam:

believe me

Wissam:

maybe coz loved you

Wissam:

respected you

Wissam:

ma fakaret feeha haik 100%

Wissam:

ana ba7ki kteeeeeeeeeeeeer

Wissam:

enti elle te7ki aktar menne el mafrood

Wissam:

wa fain el soorah

Wissam:

wa ba3dain so2al, do u have a pic for you and me?

Laila:

that is the only thing that i thought you would think of me. and that is basically not true. and has nothing to do with sex. the reason i left that is.. that is why i was so scared of seeing you. you know i have daddy issuers. and you were the ONLY man in my lift back then, and until now, apart from my father, who i wanted to impress and want them to be proud of me. i had so much respect for you, that it was matching up with the respect i have for my father. and because i was failing you completely, i just had to run away. i don’t want to ever see the look of disappointment in your eyes.. like the look i always see in my father’s eyes, until today. i ran away from my father 3 months after you, i couldn’t see the look of faithlessness in me on his face again. and i took off. that is why everything turned into hell. and life stopped.

Wissam:

again laila

Wissam:

the sex thing, never thoght you are something like whore

Wissam:

still ma 7aketeeli why you left me from the first place:)

Wissam:

what made me you really leave me

Wissam:

and u dont have to answer

Wissam:

believe me ana mabsoot

Wissam:

i still remember you ina good way

Wissam:

and i am glad that i knew you

Wissam:

fada7ti 3ardi sa7

Wissam:

bas its ok

Wissam:

u made my day today

Wissam:

now i can remember you in very good way

Wissam:

and this is the best thing

Wissam:

coz really i like what we had in memories

i like

Laila:

i was hanging out with the wrong people, who were fuelling my depression further more. you came into my life.. or i to yours, and suddenly there is a happy song in my life.. and i am getting better and “normal”.. but because of all my past experiences, i was numb in a way. my dream was gone. i knew there is nothing called true love, that would last a life time. all relationships end. everything is a lie. i was hurt too many times. i was numb. this is how i was with you, i was happy, and i was in love with you. and at the same time i knew that it has to end one day. this desperate acceptance that even this, me and you, will end. so at the end of our relationship, i had to start letting you go, before i did something terrible and unexpected from my side, to make you hate me and leave me. maybe i wanted to leave first. not to give seeing you sad a chance… i don’t know you if you understand me.. and i started to go out with those bad friends again. and letting you go. just disappearing, without a warning. changing emails and mobile numbers so you wouldn’t reach me. then was so depressed, or was suicidal. and at that moment, a person came unexpectedly to my life, satan maybe.. and he made me run away from home, and get caught by the police, and going to court, and shaming my family and scarring them for life. all of them. mama, baba, nadia, lina, musallam.. and i was taken to a mental hospital. i was diagnosed with bi polar disorder. that i am either depressed/suicidal, or manic, happy. either way, it means i always will make

Laila:

a bad decision. and i will always ruin my life, and hurt everyone around me.

Laila:

so

Laila:

they gave me these drugs. really heavy stuff. and it basically worked. they numbed me 100%. with the medicine i turned into the living dead. a robot. i only do what i am told by my family. i lived like that until 2006.

Laila:

in these 3 years i managed to finish my BA, turn my failing JPA of 1.8 out of 4, to 3.5 at graduation.

Laila:

i only had one drive. that i have to do this for baba. i owe him at least this.

Laila:

then he wanted me to do master. i said of course. and i ended up in sweden. still a robot.

Laila:

do you want to hear this?

Laila:

it’s real shit

Laila:

and it was so hard for me to write and think about this.

Laila:

i mean i was crying just a minute ago

Laila:

i’m fine now

Wissam:

glad u r fine now

Wissam:

after explanation you feel better

Wissam:

its ok layla

Laila:

it doesn’t really

Laila:

its a different kind of regret

Wissam:

well layla

Wissam:

dont look into the past

Wissam:

look into the future

Wissam:

we all do mistakes

Wissam:

take it easy

Wissam:

its not worth it to hurt your self

Laila:

you know.. i almost forgot how much we clicked.. we are in sync. i mean you understand what i am saying and reply saying all the right things.. i must have blocked out many thing about us

Wissam:

i am happy to hear this from you

Wissam:

u really made my day

Laila:

you know what?

Laila:

you know how i see you in my life? you were the knight in shining armour.. or the charming prince. around all these monsters

Wissam:

Laila:

but i am happy that you are happy

Laila:

you look like you have a happy family

Laila:

you’re the prince in that fairytale..

Laila:

i wouldn’t have had it any other way

Laila:

if you stayed with me, i would have turned you into a monster

Wissam:

and you are that pretty tall sweet girl who

Laila:

i still have the earrings and the bracelet.. from egypt..

Laila:

you know, you were the ONLY one who ever bought me in gifts!

Wissam:

lemme finish eh

Laila:

that’s why i still have all of them here, in my new life in sweden.

Laila:

they’re like treasure

Wissam:

you are that pretty tall sweet girl

Wissam:

elle marra kanat 3endi fel 3’orfeh labseh 2ameesi el a7mar bas

Wissam:

konti betjaneni

Wissam:

kan nefsi aklek

Wissam:

this is layla in my mind

Wissam:

i still remember your smell by the way , that vanilla cream

Wissam:

u r sweet layla

Laila:

i still wear it.

Wissam:

and glad to know that i was not mistaken , you are sweet

Laila:

nothing else. ever

Wissam:

and hey

Wissam:

when i asked you to take a photo now and show it to me coz i wanted to see ur face keef shaklo halla2

Wissam:

crying? metday2a? mabsoota?

Laila:

yeah all of those together.. i don’t want you to see me like that. i’ll be happy tomorrow and i will take a pic then

Wissam:

no

Wissam:

really wanna see you now

Laila:

ok i will try to look normal

Wissam:

sad2eeni law ana mosh fel office kan aslan sha3’alet el webcam

Wissam:

no

Wissam:

look the way you are

Laila:

ah

Laila:

i have a better idea

Laila:

i knew i was doing this for a reason

Laila:

3 days ago, i took a video of me, singing the last song i ever wrote..

Laila:

its on youtube

Laila:

and i have never done this before

Laila:

i’ll give you the link

Wissam:

ya lailaaaaaaa

Wissam:

its nice to watch it akeed

Wissam:

but i want the photo

Wissam:

eh

Wissam:

a5o mara2i she

Wissam:

i miss you wa nefsi ashoofek halla2

Wissam:

ma t3a2deeha

Laila:

efit

Laila:

ma ra7 a3tik el link then

Wissam:

la2 ra7 ta3teeni

Laila:

instead of the pic yes

Wissam:

no

Wissam:

both

Laila:

yes

Laila:

akeed

Wissam:

bamoon wala ma bamoon?

Laila:

ma aznakhak.. god i miss you. i remember this

Laila:

thimo

Laila:

Wissam:

Wissam:

yalla send me then the photo

Wissam:

a photo for wisso

Laila:

ok

Laila:

you win

Wissam:

thokran

Wissam:

and type the link in your email

Wissam:

secret: i used to have photos for you, photos Laila: to me before when you were young, photos together, i even had a photo for me and you naymeen 3al ta5et janb ba3ad

Wissam:

when u left me i deleted them all

Wissam:

ella el soora elle 3al ta5et

Laila:

i don’t have any of us together!

Wissam:

dalat 3a mobily for long

Wissam:

but one day i was checking my mobile and i found it

Wissam:

etdaya2et wa masa8taha

Wissam:

masa7taha

Laila:

sorry

Wissam:

now i regret deleting it

Laila:

ne7na 3am mindaye2 7alna. why.. i don’t think we should

Wissam:

received the photo

Laila:

i don’t think we should do this

Wissam:

el sha3r eltaweel a7la 3alaiki

Wissam:

Laila:

ok

Wissam:

sat something

Wissam:

say

Laila:

i don’t want to i think’

Wissam:

ok

Laila:

there are many things i would say

Laila:

but none of them would be a good decision

Wissam:

write an email then

Wissam:

3adi

Laila:

what! that is even worse..

Wissam:

express your self

Wissam:

i am sure you have manything u wanna say

Laila:

that is committing to the idea of doing this.. talk to you.. after the explanations.

Laila:

i don’t think

Laila:

that is a good idea

Wissam:

3adi laila

Laila:

you know

Laila:

i am very surprised that you are saying 3adi. You..

Laila:

i guess i didn’t know you that well

Wissam:

maybe

Wissam:

plus

Wissam:

i am older now

Laila:

i don’t know if you understand me now

Wissam:

why not?

Wissam:

its like we did not talk about it

Wissam:

we have memories together

Wissam:

wa sar elle sar

Wissam:

akeed masalan enti 3endek kteer 7aki te7keeh

Wissam:

ya3ni shoofi halla2 when we talked about it

Wissam:

7akait kteeeeeeer ana

Wissam:

na2es 2a2olek nefsi ashoofek to hug you !

Wissam:

its a natural thing

Wissam:

a normal feeling

Laila:

no.. it is not..

Wissam:

la ana wala enti 7akaina ma ba3ad

Wissam:

wa ana kan 3endi concerns men zaman

Laila:

you cannot deny the degree of flirtation that is growing.

Wissam:

laila

Wissam:

i know its hard, i mean what i am doing now

Wissam:

ana ba7ki elle bedi yah

Wissam:

and i express my self very well

Wissam:

and thats what i did with you today

Wissam:

and i am glad

Wissam:

if you have something to say

Wissam:

just say it

Wissam:

mo lazem halla2

Wissam:

by an email

Wissam:

3adi

Laila:

no i have something to say

Wissam:

feel free

Laila:

so you are saying that you are like this with everyone.. you are honest like this will all the girls.. i wonder.. how does your wife take this

Wissam:

no no no

Wissam:

not everyone

Wissam:

in this case i am like this with you only

Wissam:

my dear

Wissam:

you confused me

Wissam:

you hurt me

Wissam:

you shocked me

Wissam:

and i did not like what happened

Wissam:

and i hate the this fact

Wissam:

after all this time

Wissam:

i discovered that that sweet girl is sweet

Wissam:

that lovely girl is lovely

Wissam:

that girl feels soory

Wissam:

sorry

Wissam:

that girls loved me

Wissam:

ya3ni kollo kan 7elo

Wissam:

ya3ni i did not waste my time

Wissam:

ya3ni the feelings that we had is true

Wissam:

i like this fact

Wissam:

and you made my day when u said u loved me

Wissam:

when u said all these sweet wrods about me

Laila:

what

Laila:

wait

Laila:

i thought men hated that

Laila:

and that is why they leave

Wissam:

hated what??

Laila:

girls talking.. saying all that shit.. expressing feelings.. wiring poetry for god’s sake..

Laila:

writing

Wissam:

come on

Wissam:

you did not do that today

Wissam:

you said what you feeel

Wissam:

i believe you said the minimal!!!!

Wissam:

the fact that you loved me

Wissam:

that i am prince to you made me feel good

Wissam:

coz again

Wissam:

you made me doubt about everything we had

Wissam:

got it?

Wissam:

mosh men 7a2i a7ki haik?

Wissam:

ana ba7ki haik 3ashan 3an jad i loved you wa i cared about you

Laila:

you are even better than what i thought you were

Laila:

it makes me very sad

Wissam:

brb in 5 min

Laila:

you made me cry .. for real.. in many many years.. crying about everything. and you. it feels good

Wissam:

back

Wissam:

sorry ana daya2tek she?

Laila:

no

Wissam:

sure?

Laila:

ok.. what do you want from me?!

Wissam:

nothing

Laila:

what are you doing!

Wissam:

work

Wissam:

sho asdek?

Laila:

azdi

Laila:

miss 3arfeh

Laila:

ok

Laila:

azdi

Wissam:

e7ki

Wissam:

u still there?

Laila:

y3ani there is something that is making me stop from saying what i want to say, the computer froze, it never ever did that before.. and what i was writing was erased..

Laila:

so i shouldnt say it

Laila:

3anjad..

Laila:

khali a7san hek

Wissam:

walek e7ki

Laila:

w stop talking

Wissam:

laila

Wissam:

e7ki

Wissam:

men sho 5ayfa

Laila:

iza ra7 indalna ne7ki.. ra7 arja3 a7ibak..

Laila:

lets stop talking

Wissam:

hada elle konti ra7 te7keeh?

Wissam:

e7ki yalla

Wissam:

and hey

Laila:

hey

Wissam:

u can count on me

Laila:

what?

Wissam:

ma ra7 asma7 eno haik yeseer

Wissam:

terja3i t7ebeeni

Wissam:

with no hard feelings

Laila:

it has nothing to do with you.. if i want to go back, i will.

Wissam:

i am your good close friend

Laila:

wonder why

Wissam:

a5o mara2i she!

Wissam:

bedek ya3ni a7keelek 3’abara ma te7ki ma3i!?

Laila:

la2¨

Wissam:

tab yalla

Wissam:

e7ki

Laila:

no

Laila:

there is something that You want to say

Wissam:

allah ye5aleeki

Laila:

say it

Wissam:

ya ya ya ya

Laila:

ana ma ra7 a7ki ishi la7ad ma ashhoof el kalimat eli 3am bastanaha.

Laila:

ra7 adalni sakteh

Wissam:

ay kalimat

Wissam:

mosh fahem

Laila:

ok insa

Laila:

did you just win again

Wissam:

batalet fahem

Wissam:

e7ki

Wissam:

yalla

Laila:

tell me what do you work

Wissam:

i am Product Sales Manager in Western Zone in a division Called Head&Neck Surgies

Wissam:

in Gulf Medical Co

Wissam:

lsn mama called me

Laila:

god i have no idea what that is, but it sounds impressive.. is it?

Wissam:

want me to take her from the hospital

Laila:

is everything ok?

Wissam:

so i am leaving now

Wissam:

ya ya

Laila:

ok

Laila:

go

Wissam:

she went their for chick ups

Laila:

ok good

Wissam:

ma bedek te7keeli?

Laila:

no

Wissam:

yala ma bedi at2a5ar 3a mama

Wissam:

Laila:

see you

Wissam:

e7keeli

Wissam:

sho kan bedek te7keeli

Laila:

yella go

Laila:

i’ll think about ut

Laila:

it

Wissam:

walek e7ki

Wissam:

Lailaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Laila:

khalas i will send an email

Wissam:

e7keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Wissam:

send now

Wissam:

so i can read it from my mobile

Laila:

i will start writing in a a few minutes

Wissam:

waiting

Wissam:

yalla bye Layla

Laila:

bye

13/04/2012, 09:02 Wissam:

morning

Laila:

Hi morning to you too

Wissam:

ezzayek

Wissam:

busy?

Laila:

in an hour maybe i wont be busy

Wissam:

oh…ok then i am not sure if i will be here

Wissam:

good morning and catch ya later

13/04/2012, 19:13 Laila:

Ok, I have a naughty question for you

13/04/2012, 19:49 Wissam:

Yalla ask

Laila:

tell me honestly why you didn’t take the chance to sleep with me. i always wondered about that..

13/04/2012, 20:39 Wissam:

Come on, I did not want to take the advantage, nafseetek kanat makla hawa and I wanted to proof to u that I am with u not because sex! Believe me if u stayed with me u would trust me and I would rock ur night on

Laila:

makes sense.. but i had no idea.. i thought it was a religious thing.. if i had known that is the reason, maybe things would have been different.. i am sure of it actually..

Laila:

what i mean to say.. if i had known that you felt this way, and these were your reasons.. it would have maybe solved my “issues” and i wouldnt have run off.. this is what i think

Laila:

because no one did what you did..

14/04/2012, 07:03 Wissam:

ya Layla ya3ni kissed all your body! i ate your farfoura ( you know what i did ) wa wa2afat 3ala intercourse ya3ni? akeed my reason was not religion thing , remember what happened exactly you will find out it was because of you

14/04/2012, 12:52 Laila:

z3lan mini?

14/04/2012, 13:44 Wissam:

la2! az3al min sho?

14/04/2012, 15:13 Wissam:

u there?

Laila:

i am here

Laila:

Wissam: : i inderstand things much better now

Laila:

do you know what? i really did not know who you were..

Wissam:

like?

Laila:

after i looked at all your pics here on fb.. i realized, i did not know you.. i did not know that you are so much like me..

Wissam:

keef?

Laila:

and i saw your life in these albums, and then the honeymoon, and i couldnt handle it.. that you are living everything that i wish my life is..

Laila:

majd is very pretty

Laila:

i am happy for her

Laila:

i swear to you

Laila:

if i knew you better back then, none of this would had happened.. none of my life

Laila:

but truelly, i am happy for you

Wissam:

thanks laila

Wissam:

bas ana mosh fahem laih haik bte7ki

Laila:

i mean i had just realised that you are the regret of my life.. but i am at peace.. i want you to be happy of course i do

Wissam:

you did not handle what exactly

Laila:

handle meaning:

Laila:

i cried a lot

Wissam:

tab laih haik?>

Laila:

what do you mean lesh hek

Wissam:

ya3ni ma32ool ya layla lahal darajeh ma konti 3arfani

Laila:

no.. i had no clue who you were.. really

Wissam:

ya3ni ma kan bayen laih ana did not have sex with you ?

Laila:

you were exactly who i was looking for.. and i ran off looking for that.. and i had no idea you could give me what i wanted. stablility..

Wissam:

ya laila tab back to the sex thing

Wissam:

i did not have sex with you

Wissam:

sho fhemteeha?

Wissam:

ma3 eno i did all the other naughty stuff

Wissam:

kan wade7 eno 3ashanek!

Laila:

well i choose to believe that you really loved me and respected me, and you wanted me to trust you first, that you will not hurt me like others did

Laila:

but for some reason, back then, for me it was different.. it was for another reason, religious things, although you did lots of stuff with me, but you had like a limit..

Laila:

i swear that is what i felt

Laila:

are you religious?

Laila:

oh

Laila:

remember something else

Laila:

something veru important

Laila:

i always felt guilty with you.. not guilty, but something like that.. i mean the way we met, through internet, i mean no good girl does that. right? and then we met the first time in abdoun at night, and then i took you home, although it was empty and in repair, and my sister was there. but that doesnt matter.. i took a complete strange (that i like a lot, but that is not the point) and i took him home.. who does that? and then for some reason i told you all my stories,, so you had a preconceived image of me.. and i guess that i guessed that you thought i was a bad girl.

Laila:

and i felt bad the whole time we were together.. from that side.. that you think i am horrible, and not someone to be serious about.. like future and marriage.. i mean so many things were going on.. but it is mostly from my side.. lets say that i am too sensitive.. and i sometimes live in a world of my own.. and when reality doesnt reflect what i want, then i run away, either from shame, or something else.. i dont know what it is

Laila:

are you there

Wissam:

i am here

Wissam:

gosstek gossa ya laila

Wissam:

Wissam:

lsn

Wissam:

i am about to move now so i have turn off my laptop

Wissam:

contact me through emails

Laila:

ok

Wissam:

anyway dont feel guilty

Wissam:

what happened happened

Wissam:

there is something about me laila

Wissam:

i dont judge people

Wissam:

i only care in how people treat me , dont care about the past

Wissam:

got it?

Laila:

yes

Wissam:

so i never thought badly about you

Wissam:

you were honest with me and i respected that

Wissam:

and yes

Wissam:

it was very hard for me

Wissam:

seeing you naked on my bed was killing me laila

Laila:

omg i totally blocked that day out..

Wissam:

what do u mean?

Laila:

i mean i have been trying to remember all the times we saw each other.. and i couldnt pass more than 5 or 6 times

Laila:

and i knew there was a reason for that

Wissam:

but why you blocked that day out?

Laila:

it must have been to hard for me to remember things, so somehow i managed to block them

Laila:

just like the one..

Laila:

when you said it, i just remember the whole thing

Wissam:

even kissing you all over

Laila:

now i remember..

Laila:

but nothings else

Wissam:

laila….

Wissam:

you took me from the airport

Wissam:

went home

Wissam:

you were wearing skirt, jeans

Wissam:

you cut you hair and made it curly

Wissam:

you waxed your body

Wissam:

i took off your cloth and kissed you all over from behinde

Wissam:

did the same thing when i flipped you

Wissam:

howcome tensi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wissam:

yalla i am moving

Laila:

ok email then

15/04/2012, 10:17 Wissam:

be5

15/04/2012, 11:12 Laila:

bekh to you too

Laila:

keefak

Wissam:

good i u?

15/04/2012, 11:56 Laila:

good

15/04/2012, 12:31 Laila:

you busy?

15/04/2012, 14:43 Wissam:

now i am not

15/04/2012, 15:15 Laila:

what about now?

Laila:

hahaha

Laila:

Wissam:

i am here

Laila:

hows your day so far

Wissam:

normal

Wissam:

what about yours?

Laila:

normal sunday..

Wissam:

weekend ah?

Laila:

for me, the weekend starts friday to sunday.. i cant get used to the idea that friday is a working day.. ot school day.. so strange.. even after 5 years

Wissam:

i c

Wissam:

and what do you do in weekends?

Laila:

i took juliarose to the woods for the first time ever. we usually go with her dad.. we played in the woods.. it was so fun. its different when you are with a child, and you know no one is looking at you.. you forget about the world and play like a child. i mean i had lots of fun

Laila:

and juliarose told me that it was nice that mommy played with her for real.

Laila:

makes you think ha?

Wissam:

aha

Wissam:

i can i magin

Wissam:

metel 7ada2eq el malek hussein :)\

Wissam:

lol

Laila:

i mean, we are born children, and then we are taught how to be adults.. proper.. responsible… but we know, we remember that when we were children, we were so happy. the world was magical. you still didnt know whats real from not..

Wissam:

i know what you are talking about

Laila:

and letting go of “being proper” there in the woods with my daughter, i suddnely realised that i am having so much fun.. and

Laila:

that i am seeing the world differently.. simpler.. that is why it is fun

Laila:

we strive to go back to being children

Laila:

but culture.. stops us

Laila:

from having fun

Laila:

ha

Laila:

can i tell you things like, i miss you?

Wissam:

sure

Wissam:

its allowed to say that

Wissam:

yalla say it

Wissam:

eh

Wissam:

wainek

Laila:

I miss you kteer

Laila:

I’m driving now. Half hour

Wissam:

drive safely then

15/04/2012, 16:51 Laila:

Did I ever meet you or come to you high?

15/04/2012, 19:57 Laila:

i miss you

16/04/2012, 06:55 Wissam:

i miss you too and no you never met me high! do u always get high?

16/04/2012, 09:38 Laila:

no not at all..

16/04/2012, 14:09 Laila:

miss you

16/04/2012, 15:03 Wissam:

be5

16/04/2012, 16:08 Laila:

Why do you say be5 when I say I miss you..

Laila:

Boo

16/04/2012, 21:00 Wissam:

be5 3ashan faj2a ajeet, i do miss u too

Laila:

how was your day then

16/04/2012, 22:13 Wissam:

work, hospital coz mom had an operation on her knee, home, lunch, hospital to visit mama, home, sleeping faris, tv, faris woke up, sleeping faris again

17/04/2012, 09:29 Wissam:

wainek!!

Laila:

Here taking Julia to school. I’ll be back soon

Laila:

Morning

Wissam:

laih 7al2ali

Laila:

I’m not at all. I’m here

Wissam:

arrived school?

Laila:

Not yet . My husband is driving

Wissam:

if u wanna contact me contact me through emails i am will be out of the office

17/04/2012, 14:24 Wissam:

be5

17/04/2012, 15:00 Laila:

ya mama

Laila:

is there a particular song that reminds you of me?

17/04/2012, 15:25 Wissam:

faint, linkin park

Wissam:

wish u were here, pink floyd

Laila:

Ok.. My question is: did we hear both these songs when we were together in your room, for instance… Or, these are random songs, for instance, which you built an association with me – after I disappeared? I am trying to understand if our music connection is strong, or disconnected, as in we never listen to music we each really want to, together, and maybe we take turns in listening each other’s music..

Laila:

Or what

Wissam:

we listened together for Faint

Wissam:

for the doors

17/04/2012, 15:56 Laila:

did we listen to the doors a lot?

Laila:

did we talk about them for instance? is that why Laila: me the doors link documentary a few months ago?

Wissam:

yes

Wissam:

i am leaving now, Emails

Laila:

oko

18/04/2012, 12:29 Laila:

hi..

Wissam:

laila

Laila:

Wissam:

Laila:

shu

Laila:

keefak

Wissam:

kamasho

Wissam:

meshta2 le tanteefak

Laila:

tanteefak.. she ya3no sorry

Laila:

ya3ni

Wissam:

you said keefa

Wissam:

keefak

Wissam:

ana radait meshta2 le tanteefak

Laila:

ah a ryhme

Wissam:

efhameeha zay ma bedek tefhameeha

Laila:

ok i never heard this one

Laila:

hie el kilmah la7alha.. ma ba3rafha

Laila:

tanteef el wara2.. sa7?

Laila:

ta2tee3

Wissam:

tanteef

Wissam:

betnattaf

Wissam:

tanteef sha3ar masalan

Wissam:

tanteef el jajeh men el reesh

Laila:

Wissam: : i am going through so much right now, that i am a bit scared.. i’m glad you’re here..it’s just thinking about the past.. and it’s just the year 2002.. so much to deal with.. so much to confess to myself and have closures in..

Laila:

i mean it was only yesterday when i actually found out we are talking really about 2002

Laila:

that only yesterday i read in my journals that on the 30th of july 2002 i was above the clouds.. that i was soooo happy, and i then start talking about you.. and we have already been together for a while..

Laila:

i mean i couldn’t before reading it understand what year what month we’re we together

Laila:

i have a major problem

Laila:

almost like amnesia..

Laila:

so many things so blocked..

Laila:

and i am trying to understand why

Laila:

and why did i meet you, what was i looking for.. why i did it that way, via internet, i mean its not “normal” at least for jordan

Laila:

i am trying for instance to understand why, exactly why, did i leave yu

Laila:

thats why i keep asking you those questions like,

Laila:

what when how where did we meet the very last time..

Laila:

i mean until i saw your email in the morning, i had no idea it was ahlia cafe thing,

Laila:

no recolection

Laila:

its like, where was I??

Laila:

why do you remember..

Laila:

why can’t i

Laila:

why do i need to ask you about every details..

Laila:

wen mukhi ana

Laila:

i mean lsn

Laila:

i have also started thinking ok, Wissam: .. i think there is nelli in the picture.. i have to contact her

Laila:

and so many other people too

Laila:

and i am like asking them the same questions

Laila:

where did we meet.. what did we do, lsn to.. what was the mood.. did i ever talk about a guy called Wissam: .. what do you know about him.. tell me everything

Laila:

ya zalama its scary

Laila:

horrible

Laila:

and then i started thinking about ok, before 2002… nothin.. same blocking

Laila:

after 2003.. same

Laila:

wth

Laila:

wallahi ini scared

Laila:

one of the most things that “shocked” me is when you said that we had The Doors mood.. for a personal reason of mine.. i can’t believe until now..

Laila:

because it is such a special place for me.. to be in the doors mood

Laila:

and no many ppl shared this with me

Laila:

how come i blocked you so unbelievably tottaly

Laila:

you know what..

Laila:

i mean the only thing that makes sense in my head is that

Laila:

i must have really really forever really ever loved you. and something happened, very traumatic.. that made me block it

Laila:

block you

Laila:

• are you reading this are you with me

Laila:

or busy

Wissam:

with you

Wissam:

reading

Laila:

ok

Laila:

ma ba3raf keep afhmak…

Laila:

inno its not your fault

Laila:

its me

Laila:

you were perfect

Laila:

thank you

Laila:

but why did it happen though! why did i go away

Laila:

do you know?

Laila:

i mean

Wissam:

no

Laila:

you can help me a lot..

Wissam:

still hasnt finished reading

Laila:

you are the first hand information. it is you that i blocked out.. i can’t survive on what my friends say and remember about you.. to remind me what i have told them in the first place

Laila:

you could help me the most, by giving me your precious time, and tell me everything you remember about me.. from your perspective..

Laila:

like a puzzle, and help me put the pieces together..

Laila:

who did you know in july-spetember 2002 (i think, based on my journals)

Laila:

who was laila

Laila:

it sounds really sick and instance crazy i know…

Laila:

i have no problem with that

Laila:

i need to confront myself

Laila:

and erase all the lies, and fantasies, and blocks

Wissam:

laila

Laila:

do you understand me? can you do that

Laila:

for me?

Wissam:

stop typing for awhile lemme finish reading first plz

Laila:

ok

Laila:

i will come back in a while.. see you

Wissam:

finished

Wissam:

then how do you want me to help you ?

Laila:

i told you

Wissam:

shoofi ya laila

Laila:

if i can borrow your time.. just like now.. these past few days.. and you keep writing me emails about everything you remember

Laila:

about us, and about me, who you thought i was

Laila:

and maybe even compare that knowledge with how you are “getting” to know me again, better

Laila:

i have a feeling that

Laila:

we don’t really know each other well at all

Laila:

because it was such a short time

Laila:

am i right?

Wissam:

i met you through internet, how did that happen?? i dont know maybe coz i am HOT

Wissam:

we clicked from the begining

Laila:

ok

Laila:

wait

Laila:

where

Wissam:

we hanged out manytimes

Laila:

mysapce?

Laila:

icq?

Laila:

man?

Wissam:

no

Wissam:

MSN

Laila:

msn

Laila:

ok

Wissam:

kan fe she esmo MSN directory

Laila:

do you remember my email then?

Laila:

Wissam:

halla2 battal mawjood

Laila:

really

Laila:

noooooo

Laila:

wait

Wissam:

oh

Laila:

then forward me every single email you have between us

Laila:

this is perfect

Wissam:

i guess aphrodite

Wissam:

kaif bas!! i remembered

Laila:

your amazing

Wissam:

you used to use this name … aphrodite

Laila:

i blocked “aphrodite ” out from my head. you reminded me of this for the first time ever

Wissam:

ok

Laila:

see? this is what i mean.. you know stuff. one word. like email name is aphrodite.. or maybe its the nickname, i don’t know yet…

Laila:

it says a lot to me

Wissam:

first time we met

Laila:

because now i know that you and the aphrodite mood are at the same time zone

Wissam:

ok

Laila:

ok talk

Wissam:

we met for the first time in Irish POP in abdoun

Wissam:

ana konet labes yello T-shirt (Brazill football)

Wissam:

wa labes short azra2 i guess

Wissam:

and you were wearing black fe black as usuall

Wissam:

you ordered your VK

Wissam:

and i took the same

Wissam:

we kept talking

Wissam:

i noticed eno fe marks fe 2eedek

Wissam:

joro7 2adeem

Wissam:

suicide marks

Wissam:

got it?

Wissam:

in your wrest

Laila:

yes

Wissam:

ya

Wissam:

i noticed that

Laila:

we were sitting upstairs on at the end yes?

Wissam:

dont remember

Laila:

ok

Wissam:

ba3dain

Wissam:

in the end

Wissam:

we walked to your home

Wissam:

from abdoun to your under construction gouse

Wissam:

house

Wissam:

your sis was inside

Wissam:

hada awal yoam

Laila:

ok

Laila:

question

Wissam:

ask

Laila:

describe the mood.. was is nervous.. sexy… bored.. because i think i remember i was nervous but also “sexy” meaning i wanted to flirt with you, meaning i liked you and i wanna see you more

Laila:

but i was nervous

Laila:

so i was all akward

Laila:

?

Wissam:

sexy…i dont guess so

Wissam:

you were haik dark laila

Laila:

ok then what about you

Laila:

what was your impression of me

Wissam:

mysterious

Laila:

you wanna know more kindda thing yeah

Laila:

?

Wissam:

a sweet girl but haik mysterious, fe she feeha

Wissam:

and i wanted to know you more

Wissam:

yeah

Laila:

so meaning you liked me

Wissam:

sure i liked you

Laila:

fi click on both sides

Laila:

silent agreement, that there will a next ime

Laila:

time

Laila:

ok

Laila:

anyway

Laila:

so far so good

Wissam:

ba3dain i dont remember exctly

Laila:

i had no idea there was an irish pub involved

Wissam:

eno messages

Laila:

i remember walking, 3abdoon, dwar, lel..

Wissam:

wa bashoofek

Laila:

talked to you right there for half an hour,

Wissam:

you came to my lace

Laila:

and then we walked back to my construction sight

Wissam:

place

Laila:

nadia sister

Laila:

that it all i knew all these years

Wissam:

yes thats what happened

Laila:

so there you already helped me a lot

Wissam:

ro7na iresh pop

Wissam:

bas shofna ba3ad awal she fel share3

Wissam:

3ala dowar 3abdoun

Wissam:

2oddam Jerard, nseet sho esmo, hada taba3 el ICE CREAM

Wissam:

we met there

Laila:

aaaaaah

Laila:

ok

Wissam:

and went to the iresh pop

Laila:

it is not the pub

Wissam:

pub

Wissam:

whatever

Laila:

irish pop? ii have no idea what that is

Wissam:

lol

Laila:

okookokok

Wissam:

not good in spelling

Laila:

it is the bar

Laila:

irish

Laila:

vodka

Wissam:

yeah

Laila:

yes ok

Wissam:

VK to be specific

Laila:

aaaha

Laila:

ok

Wissam:

Iresh pub , i knew there is some spelling mistake

Wissam:

anyway

Wissam:

henak ro7na

Laila:

yep that is a typical order of mine. i ts bacardi type of drink’

Wissam:

yes

Laila:

ok

Laila:

cool

Laila:

do you hate doing this? or do you want to help me.. because i am sure it must be hurtful to you on some levels

Laila:

we could also Skype i mean

Laila:

i’ll be nice

Wissam:

we can skyope for sure

Wissam:

bas ana fel office

Laila:

later i mean

Laila:

whenever

Wissam:

ok sure

Laila:

bas keep?

Laila:

aaah

Laila:

bas keef

Laila:

iza either you are at the office or at home..

Laila:

3adi at home?

Wissam:

la2 tab3an

Wissam:

if wife is not around ok

Wissam:

yeeeeeee sho bet3’ar

Laila:

Laila:

of course

Wissam:

ma3 enne baree2

Laila:

she has lots to be protective of

Laila:

ii really like your wife

Laila:

i really wish her to be very happy with you

Laila:

i never was this “open”

Wissam:

dont know what to say

Wissam:

thanks

Wissam:

el mohem

Wissam:

i dont remember everything Laila

Wissam:

bas whatever elle batzakaro ba7keelek yah

Wissam:

after that you came to my place

Wissam:

for once and twice

Laila:

i mean i will keep sending you these “random” detailed questions…

Wissam:

dont know how many times

Laila:

i just don’t want you to start freaking out

Wissam:

i dont freak out easily

Laila:

coolio

Wissam:

ba3dain 3arafteeni 3ala 3areefa

Laila:

Laila:

well for me the arifa link is very important..

Wissam:

i saw her by the way aktar men marra

Laila:

and i know this anyway, that for is a confirmation that i was really after all really serious about you, from one perspective

Laila:

meaning

Wissam:

eno haik bel sodaf

Wissam:

saw her in 2005

Laila:

ma ba33aref 7ada 3ala arifa ella iza el mawdoo3 jaddi, and i want to get this person in touch with my “family life”

Wissam:

maybe in 2009 bardo bel sodfeh bas both of us ignored

Laila:

hahahaha

Laila:

oh dear

Wissam:

brb i have a stupid meeting now

Wissam:

bye for now

Laila:

bye

19/04/2012, 08:38 Wissam:

hey

Laila:

Hi

Wissam:

chaifek ?

Laila:

Good you?

Wissam:

malee7

Laila:

I’m cleaning the house..

Wissam:

ya3teeki el 3afyeh

Laila:

Hahha I mean to say I am not on my computer but my phone is with me. So we can talk but I am moving around

Wissam:

ok

19/04/2012, 09:05 Wissam:

tab labsa haik short wa bra wa rabta 3a sha3rek wa betnadfi?

Laila:

actually, a7kilak keef? topless, sha3ri la fo2 w hhek navezelkharabeesh

Laila:

navel kharabish

Laila:

and black ryada pants

Laila:

i swear

Wissam:

i wish if i can see

Laila:

lsning to sinatra

Laila:

you have unfulfilled sexual desires towards me

Wissam:

yeah

Wissam:

ma talla3et elle 3endi ma3ek

Laila:

me too

Wissam:

thats why i wish to see

Laila:

if you weren’t at the office i would have..

Laila:

Wissam:

i am home

Laila:

hahaha

Laila:

why no work today

Wissam:

weekend

Laila:

ok sa7

Wissam:

lemme lemme lemme

Laila:

shall i send you a pic of just the topless part?

Wissam:

both

Laila:

hahahaha noooo

Wissam:

eh

Wissam:

sho el fare2 bain el topless part wel pic?

Laila:

ha?

Laila:

khalas laze arum ashtaghel ma 3andi wa2et.. but i take cig breaks all the time.. and next time i will show you

Wissam:

eh

Wissam:

ya3ni 7amasteeni wa halla2 te7keeli haik

Laila:

so you stay online ya ahbal

Wissam:

ana halla2 la7ali cant guarantee ba3ed shwai

Wissam:

faris yefee2 or marti tfee2

Wissam:

take a break

Wissam:

eh

Laila:

ok wait

Laila:

done

Wissam:

kabraneen

Wissam:

tab soora wa enti wa2fa to see your figure

Wissam:

you are yummy

Wissam:

u there?

Laila:

No more pics no

Wissam:

fain e5tafaiti

Laila:

are you hot?

Wissam:

i guess you are the one who should answer this question

Wissam:

unless if you meant ” are you hoorny”

Wissam:

horny

Laila:

u seem busy now.. They woke up?

Wissam:

i am here

Wissam:

no they did not

Wissam:

i guess there is a connection problem

Wissam:

lailaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Laila:

well of course they are bigger.. When we met, I was 58 kg probably. Now I am a healthy 69.. Big difference. You should have seen them when I was pregnant. I had to wear D bras..

Wissam:

damn

Wissam:

i like ur figure

Laila:

Whats your length and girth?

Wissam:

what do u mean? girth?

Wissam:

oh

Wissam:

i got it now

Wissam:

u dont remember

Wissam:

you held it once

Wissam:

i am normal

Wissam:

i remember i measured the length when i was young and it was 16 cm i guess

Wissam:

hada elle ba3rafo

Wissam:

bas ba3jebek fel adaa2

Laila:

ok there is a connection problem

Laila:

i was upstairs on the ipad

Laila:

adaa2

Laila:

Laila:

akeed

Wissam:

u know

Wissam:

i liked your vagina kteeeer

Laila:

really??

Wissam:

somehow pinkish

Wissam:

very tight

Laila:

Laila:

lsn you know

Laila:

i remember holding your dick.. but i have no idea what it was like.. and holding it anyway just say anything about how it actually is in action.. because

Laila:

i remember clearly the first time i held rupert’s cock, and i was so disappointed because i thought it was little.. but i mean, in action, he was big.. my biggest..

Laila:

girth means width

Laila:

Wissam:

aah

Wissam:

i am average

Laila:

you know what

Laila:

nothing is average, maybe it would be average for that vagina, but for another one, average would become super massive..

Laila:

it depends on the pot

Laila:

jul tanjara elha ghatta

Wissam:

sure

Wissam:

lol

Laila:

you know what?

Laila:

i really NEVER thought that we could do this.. i mean i sent you a naughty pic.. and we are talking steer 3adi.. i thought you are married 3amo

Wissam:

i am mafrrie

Wissam:

married

Wissam:

and you are married too

Wissam:

but 3adi, its our thing

Laila:

yeah but my marriage is different

Laila:

i can do what i like..

Wissam:

nothing called a different marriage

Wissam:

marriage is marriage

Laila:

lsn really, khalas last cig, and then i have to go clean. we have ppl coming over at 3

Laila:

no no my marriage is different

Wissam:

me too

Laila:

no no no my marriage is different

Wissam:

i can hear faris

Laila:

really

Laila:

ok

Laila:

later then

Wissam:

keef?

Laila:

have a nice day

Laila:

ill tell you laterrrr go now

Wissam:

ok

Wissam:

lsn

Wissam:

i like ur boobs

Wissam:

bedhom da3ek

Wissam:

yalla bye

Laila:

:))

Laila:

bye

19/04/2012, 10:06 Laila:

that doesn’t mean forget about me.. if you have time to send me a msg, do.. its nice to have something to reply to when i take cig breaks

Laila:

cleaning and listening to puddle of mudd

Laila:

haven’t listened to them since 2002

19/04/2012, 11:42 Laila:

my marriage is different than anybody’s else ever. and i am sure of it, and not only that, but also,, i just went and confirmed it with rupert and he says of course, nothing else

Laila:

i mean, i can tell you a lot.. but i will make it short. i’ll just give you an example.. after i sent you the naughty pic, i went to rupert and told him.. and he has been aware of everything i say to you from the start.. because we talk. we talk about everything, and tell each other everything. i have NO secrets or lies from him. he is most probably the only one in the world who knows me. better than my mother. i can’t tell herrrr everything of course. its normal not to tell. but with rupert, it is not normal not to tell..

Laila:

he is my best friend, and we got married. he just said himself that, that the paper of marriage was just a formality so we can live together permanently without upsetting my family

Laila:

we have a girl together.. and we won’t have it any other way. we are family. but we are also individuals. all 3 of us.. he does his thing, which is nothing really.. and i do my thing.. which is for instance talking to you in a very special manner.. talking freely. and i go to him and ask him stuff, and he tells me his opinion, and then i come back here to you and say something new.. just like this conversation for instance

Laila:

and i remember the first time i facebooked you a message, that i am apologising to you, and that i know i was bad to you. and that it was my husband who told me to write you… because i was telling him back then all about you.. and what happened.. and that i feel horrible and sorry and that i wish Wissam: : didn’t hate me.. and he told me to go send you a mail.. this is who we are.. i mean.. Wissam: , we once had a threesome.. we are very free sexually.. we do all sorts of things for each other.. things husbands and wives don’t want to do to each other.. sometimes even things husbands would find a hooker or a dominatrix to do it for him…

Laila:

our husband wife rolls come in like sharing the responsibilities.. the bills, the work, the child care time.. his thing is to cook.. my thing is to clean.. it got all sorted out from the beginning..

Laila:

and in the beginning, we were both in love with each other.. but once the honeymoon period was over, and life started happening and bringing up bills and babies and work… everything else just fell into its place.. i do this, you do that, we’ll do this together.. i am the planner, the leader, and he is the admin.. something like that…

Laila:

we don’t have any friends.. we still haven’t gotten bored with each other’s company, not after 5 years even… but we do take breaks from each other, every winter when i go back home to amman for a few months.. sometimes he comes too, but not for long.. because the whole idea of this thing is to take a holiday for each other.. like renew our relationship

Laila:

i mean 2 days ago we were planning to take our first family holiday.. and just to show you exactly what i mean, i will tell you what we planned

Laila:

end of september, when Buffils Annas closes for the season, we will take a trip to france, see his mother.. england, see his dad, and i am going to take off by myself from there to ireland… go volunteer in a WOOF.. farming thing… and the woman who is leading this was rupert’s girlfriend once upon a time… and she came visited us when julia was born and i met her. i mean who does that? we do.. and rupert was the one who suggested that i go find myself at Annie’s in ireland.. like a journey to find myself and do whatever i want to know the answer.. he is the one who said what about Annie.. because i was telling him that i want to do this, and i will leave you and julia for max a month, to do my own thing and i will come back.. and i said i don’t know where to go though.. but i want the place to be like this and that… free.. free people– so i can think freely about myself and about my life..

Laila:

do you understand what i meant that my marriage is different? i haven’t told you anything yet.. and i am not going to either…

Laila:

i mean her rubs my feet while i am book keeping.. and i pop his pimples on his back while he is talking on the phone.. we are very close… and we hide nothing from each other.. the last year or so, i have been encouraging him to even have a little affair on the side.. where he will lead the sex.. do you know why i said that? or why i want him to have a little affair? its because i love him too much.. and our sex life the past 3 years have been all about, and nothing else but making stupid layla orgasm. its tiring for a guy, i tell ya.. our sex is very very selfish, from my side.. and it is never his turn.. so i want him to have another thing on the side, where is the in command, and it is all about him, and not the girl.. you know what i mean? different marriage?

Laila:

k i have to clean now… and i will probably say to him everything i just said to you, again.. if i feel like it that is.. i am a little high.. bye

19/04/2012, 12:46 Laila:

but i am dying to know what you mean when you said you’re marriage is different too… you won’t win this one.. i won hands down

Laila:

or did you say that your marriage is different? i can’t tell anymore, the messages above are complicated because fairs was waking up, and maybe your reply mine too, was about something else

Laila:

yeah i like talking to myself with you… the problem is that you are not even here.. why don’t you send me long msgs!! ok bye

20/04/2012, 09:17 Wissam:

be5

20/04/2012, 09:50 Laila:

صباح الورد

Wissam:

what u doin mama

20/04/2012, 10:24 Laila:

Wallahi me and rupert and 2 staff members who are Arabs incidentally .. Are in a paint shop buying paint for Buffils

Laila:

Then I’m going to Xbase to terminate my confidence in them. Then home write and tidy a little

Laila:

Rupert is gonna be away tonight until Sunday evening working in Buffils

Laila:

So me and Julia are all alone for a while

Laila:

Yep how are you today

Wissam:

aha

Wissam:

i am fine

Wissam:

busy with faris

Laila:

Whatcha two doing

Wissam:

anyway my laptop ran off battery

Wissam:

playing

Wissam:

will catch ya later ya mama

Laila:

I would really love to see that side of you

Wissam:

i changed his dipper, fed him

ana good daddy

Wissam:

he woke up early and woke me up with him

Wissam:

my wife kept sleeping so we spent the morning baba wa daris

Wissam:

faris

Laila:

You are so sweet

Wissam:

thokran

Wissam:

yalla time for me to go now

Laila:

:)) ok

Laila:

See ya

Wissam:

bye

21/04/2012, 15:37 Wissam:

be5

Laila:

Wissam:

fainek me5tefyeh

Laila:

waiting for you to say be5

Wissam:

bas ma konti online

Laila:

i was out but my phone is on me at all time

Wissam:

sho 3melti el yoam

Laila:

saturday.. home..but it snowed a lot so i went up to buffils to get rupert home… a girlfriend stayed over..

Wissam:

i c

Laila:

wen ekhtafet mbare7

Wissam:

home

Wissam:

wa ba3dain tolda ya use the emails, last time i sent you an email said kol shway batalla3 fe soortek wa ma radaiti 3alai

Laila:

what???

Laila:

i missed that email

Wissam:

konet kol shwai battala3 3ala soortek with boobies

Laila:

ok i will not fb you when your away. only mail

Laila:

yes i goes fhemet which pic

Laila:

why would you look at it though

Wissam:

3ajbanio

Wissam:

3ajbani

Laila:

Laila:

what are you expecting me to say

Wissam:

ma ba3raf

Laila:

well.. like what

Laila:

i mean i could say something like i still didn’t get your pic.. so i have zero, and you have 2 already. should i say it is only fair for you also to send a naughty pic?

Laila:

mathalan?

Laila:

a nice pics and a naughty one

Wissam:

ya salam

Wissam:

naughty ones like what?

Laila:

3ashan nit3adal

Laila:

well it can’t be very naughty, but it has to match up with my boobies..

Wissam:

lol

Wissam:

tab esma3i i have to close up now

Wissam:

will continue through emails

Wissam:

ya naughty

Laila:

ok

Wissam:

yalla bye for now

22/04/2012, 07:02 Wissam:

be5

22/04/2012, 09:18 Wissam:

be5555

22/04/2012, 11:34 Laila:

bekh bekh

Laila:

sunday today

Laila:

my plan is to sit here in my office room until it is clean and sorted

Laila:

so that means i am online starting now..

Laila:

kefak

Laila:

you still smoke sa7?

22/04/2012, 13:14 Wissam:

back

Wissam:

ba2ollek ana back

Laila:

hahaha

Laila:

me and ru are looking for houses in another town.. ok i will go to my office now.. brb

Laila:

ok back

Laila:

something you wanna say?

Wissam:

no 3adi chatting

Laila:

ok

Laila:

bas ma 2ulteli what do you think about elli 2ultilak eyah 3anni and rupert

Wissam:

oh yeah

Wissam:

it is strage

Wissam:

and i dont see why yo uguys got married

Wissam:

Laila:

because we love eachother.. what do you mean.. we make the perfect team in everything..almost

Wissam:

mmmmm ok, its logical

Laila:

i mean hi rupert, i know you are reading this now, cuz you are on my macbook, hopfeully looking for more houses..

Laila:

shall i ask him to turn my laoptop off?

Laila:

shu wenak

Laila:

na2azit?

Laila:

Wissam:

i am here

Wissam:

listen

Wissam:

hehe

Laila:

shu

Wissam:

does it matter if i am ok with it or not?

Wissam:

i mean

Laila:

of course it does!!!!!!!!!!

Wissam:

you are not in a position to convince me

Wissam:

my opinion wont affect on you nor on you relationship with your husband

Wissam:

for me this is odd

Laila:

of course your opinion matters because i am personally interested.. but i dont think it could change anything between me and ru.. i dontthink so..

Laila:

bas tell me honestly

Wissam:

tell you what?

Wissam:

i find it odd

Wissam:

strange

Laila:

well you said, it is odd, and asked why we married.. what else

Wissam:

unaccepted for me

Wissam:

i know it sounds tempting and fun

Wissam:

but marriage has rules and we have to be up to these rules

Laila:

Laila:

ok

Laila:

what are these rules you want to keep

Wissam:

the basic rules for sure

Wissam:

these rules which made by religion, by socity

Laila:

ok like what

Wissam:

eno i understand cheating

Wissam:

but i dont understand what you said

Laila:

are they only for women? or both men and women equally

Wissam:

tab3an both

Laila:

cheating?

Laila:

what do you mean

Wissam:

i mean

Wissam:

i accept the idea of cheating (did not say that you or me are cheating)

Wissam:

but i dont accept the idea of your situation

Wissam:

you live with your husband an open relationship

Laila:

well listen

Wissam:

again this is my personal opinion

Laila:

with the potentional of being an open relationship.. we havent gone having sex with seperate people, and all that. we tried a threesome with a girl once. we were together.. and we talk about “the open relationship” idea a lot.. and we decided 4 days ago, that we have the potentional of experimenting with others, later.. when we feel we are 100% safe about each other

Laila:

so i mean…

Laila:

i want to ask you a question

Laila:

when you said you accept cheating.. did you mean you accept that it is sometimes ok to do it, because of the circumstances…

Laila:

or

Laila:

do you mean that you understand cheating and why people do it.. but you are not one of them

Laila:

or, is it religion based

Laila:

culture too

Wissam:

i meant i understand cheating

Wissam:

it is wrong but i understand why people do it

Wissam:

its like smoking knowing that it kills you

Laila:

did you cheat on your girlfriends.. or with your wife or think that maybe one day you would cheat on her

Wissam:

i never did

Laila:

do you think you are capable of?

Wissam:

dont know

Laila:

if the situation was perfect?

Laila:

ok

Laila:

i understand you now

Laila:

so

Laila:

then lets go back to the rules of marriage

Laila:

Laila:

you understand cheating, and you might do it one day.. maybe not.. who knows..

Laila:

so the religious/cultural aspect of this, is not important to you when you think about marriage and rules

Laila:

to some degree

Wissam:

it is important for sure

Wissam:

i said i never did it

Wissam:

and in my mind i wont do it

Wissam:

but i cant guarantee my self 100%

Wissam:

so thats why i said i dont know

Wissam:

and yes

Wissam:

i got temptations before

Wissam:

and i resisted them all

Wissam:

am i will be strong for ever dont know!

Wissam:

i wish if i can

Laila:

ok fhemet 3alek

Laila:

tell me,

Laila:

now

Laila:

what is it exactly that you dont accept about my marriage/relationship to my husband/partner in life?

Wissam:

honey

Wissam:

i will tell you something

Wissam:

we are adults

Wissam:

and we know what is right and what is wrong

Wissam:

and it is up to us to do the right or to do the wrong

Wissam:

got it till now?

Wissam:

do you agree?

Laila:

yes

Laila:

yes

Wissam:

ok

Wissam:

now

Wissam:

if you wanna do crack for example

Wissam:

do you do it in public? or privetly?

Wissam:

you will do it in private, you dont wanna people to see you

Wissam:

you gona do it by your self or with people like you

Wissam:

why?

Wissam:

because you know its wrong

Wissam:

and its something big

Laila:

ok

Wissam:

so you dont want to walk around people and do it like you dont care!

Wissam:

you gonna hide somewhere and do it

Laila:

yes

Laila:

and?

Wissam:

lets talk about marriage

Laila:

ok

Wissam:

cheating

Wissam:

most people do it in secret

Wissam:

i mean

Laila:

yes i know what you mean

Wissam:

they do it bas ma7adesh be3raf 3anhom

Laila:

kammil

Laila:

!!! dont be busy yella

Wissam:

lol how did you know i was busy

Wissam:

el mohem

Wissam:

in your case

Wissam:

the open relationship

Wissam:

you are not doing the wrong only

Wissam:

you reached the point that you and your husband are ok with the wrong

Wissam:

and you dont care to share it with people

Wissam:

maybe you did not do it that much

Wissam:

but this is the case

Wissam:

its like

Wissam:

for muslim

Wissam:

muslims

Wissam:

i am not praying

Wissam:

people will say allah yehdeek

Wissam:

but saying i am not praying and i dont want to pray ! this is me!! and i am ok with it! and praying is bull shit

Wissam:

now this is something huge

Wissam:

got it?

Wissam:

you are not doing the wrong with your self

Laila:

yes

Wissam:

you are doin it and proud of it

Wissam:

you are doin it and feel no guilt

Wissam:

you are doin it and you believe this is perfect life

Wissam:

and you call this love

Wissam:

yes it is love

Wissam:

but sorry it is some other love

Laila:

it is

Laila:

that is what i have been saying from the beginning!

Laila:

eft

Wissam:

if you are ok that your lovely husband can sleep with someone else

Wissam:

then this is for me not love

Laila:

not

Wissam:

not the regular love

Laila:

you have forgotten something here

Wissam:

even if you love him

Laila:

love is massive..

Wissam:

as i said

Laila:

we can talk only about love and being in love now

Wissam:

you are do ing the wrong and you are proud of it!

Laila:

wait

Laila:

ya mama

Laila:

wait

Laila:

i never said i am in love with my husband.

Laila:

and he knows that

Wissam:

you said you love eachother

Laila:

yes

Laila:

and i love you

Laila:

and i love my dad

Laila:

and i love julia’s teachers

Laila:

there are soooo many different loves

Wissam:

sure

Laila:

degrees of loe

Laila:

love

Wissam:

tab3an

Laila:

the maximum one is being IN LOVE

Laila:

when you are there.. of course you won’t think for a second about any body else than the one you are in love with

Laila:

BUT

Laila:

being in love, as perfect and divine as it is… if it happens,,, which is rare… it will also always fade with time… its like a honeymoon.. and then life hits you, and you have to take on new roles, with this person you are in love with and married

Laila:

so

Laila:

this is important

Laila:

for me…

Laila:

why i know for sure that my marriage with rupert will be a lifetime onw

Laila:

is

Wissam:

sure you areright

Wissam:

no no no

Wissam:

i am not with you

Laila:

because i am aware of the in love period has gone now.. we have almost 2 years together of being in love.. the last half year we are married..

Laila:

then life happened

Laila:

waitttt

Laila:

and the reason why i am still with rupert today.. and why we will always be together

Laila:

is that we are each others best friends.. partners

Laila:

we do everything together

Laila:

we fulfill everything together

Laila:

and our sex life is awsome

Laila:

but i missing something.. the in love part.. and we both know that it is always tempreary

Laila:

so we talk about possibilities together

Laila:

and we want to be in an open relationship

Laila:

but

Laila:

we are not there yet

Laila:

because there is still slithers of guilt here and there..

Laila:

when we are sure of ourselves and each other 100% then it will happen.

Laila:

and the other one will know that it is only a thing.. and nothing to worry about.. beacuse there are no lies

Laila:

nothing to hide

Laila:

everything is in the open and we will talk about it

Laila:

so we are not cheating

Wissam:

why its only a thing??

Wissam:

define it is only a thing

Laila:

a thing to fulfill for instance my self.. a dream i want to fulfill

Laila:

something that i really want to do… and i will be happy doing it

Laila:

like for example

Laila:

talking to you

Laila:

like this

Laila:

everyday

Laila:

and it is 3adi

Laila:

yet

Laila:

we

Laila:

are

Laila:

flirtinh

Laila:

flirting

Laila:

all the time

Laila:

it is a thing

Laila:

i want to do it.

Laila:

because i have no closure with you

Laila:

i have unfulfilled sexual desires twards you

Laila:

and i dream of somethig between us sometimes

Wissam:

what if it happened

Laila:

and i tell rupert all about it.. and i leave the chat open while he is on the laptop

Laila:

well

Laila:

erm

Laila:

it depends on you really

Wissam:

no no forget about me

Wissam:

i am talking about you

Laila:

ok

Laila:

for instnace

Wissam:

what if one day i went to sweden

Wissam:

met you

Laila:

ok

Laila:

i was gonna say amman

Wissam:

and we had the best time ever together

Laila:

more believable

Laila:

but ok

Laila:

doing what?

Laila:

actually fulfilling desires

Laila:

or having fun and talking and hanging

Wissam:

both

Laila:

ok

Laila:

ok

Laila:

well..

Laila:

if it happened

Laila:

and i thought it was the best thing that happnened.. i would move on i think… and we will stay close forever.. but we both have families to take care of and cherish..

Laila:

so if we say we want to do it again..

Laila:

like once a year or 2 years

Laila:

or sth

Laila:

i would be very happy

Laila:

because

Laila:

that is the most that can happen

Laila:

you dig?

Laila:

do u understand?

Wissam:

what if

Laila:

…

Wissam:

i mean

Wissam:

what u said is applicable if i am someone u like

Wissam:

someone u trust and attracted to

Laila:

yes of course

Wissam:

but what if i am someone you love

Wissam:

what if what you had with me is not comparable with ur husband

Laila:

ok

Laila:

i know what i will reply.. but first it is killing me i want to know why you are asking these questions.

Laila:

!!!!!!!! yella

Wissam:

because…….

Wissam:

you made us talk about something i dont agree with

Wissam:

told you from the beigning i dont have to convince you

Wissam:

but now i found my self i am doin that

Wissam:

Wissam:

i am just telling you why its wrong

Wissam:

we can talk about it till morning

Laila:

ok let me answer the earlier question then

Laila:

so what would happen, if by doing this with you, i find that i dont want to be with rupert anymore.. yes? well.. i dont think that will happen. because i would be more or less content with life. shall i tell you something?

Laila:

i dont think we could ever have gotten married and stayed happy. because you are not like me.

Laila:

rupert is

Laila:

that is why i will never leave our marriage. he is my rock. my support. my partner. from bed to bills to my daughter’s father, to my best friend.. even work at Buffils.

Wissam:

ya setty allah yewafe2kom

Laila:

you would be fulfilling the in love part. which for me is the most important aspect of being happy in life.. but it would never work with you all the way. you would divorce quickly

Wissam:

lol

Laila:

7asseh

Laila:

ino

Laila:

inta mish fahem sa7

Wissam:

ana fahem

Wissam:

bas enti elle mo fahmeh ( at least this is what i believe)

Laila:

hahaha ok:)

Wissam:

all what i wanna say , it is up to you

Wissam:

you are ok with it, then do it, i dont have to agree with you

Laila:

of course

Laila:

but

Laila:

i mean for me, it would be nicer if you understood me, and agreed with me.. in my situation.. you know very well that i am not “normal”. i ran off from you didnt i? why? maybe it is because i was aware, that i like you too much to stay with you. because if we do get married, i will run off again. not physically maybe, but emtionally i will be closed to you until we divorce or die…

Laila:

because mainly now you dont agree that this is the perfect sultion to my situtation

Laila:

hahaha started getting complicated towards the end

Laila:

i dont know what to tell you Wissam: .. but i wish i could make you understand Me.

Laila:

i’d hate it if i knew you thought i was stupid, crazy or ignorant..

Wissam:

listen

Wissam:

i understand

Wissam:

but i dont agree

Laila:

ok.. so you agree that i am doing the right thing in my situation. but that is not the rule. and no one should do it, unless they have problems like me. yes or no?

Wissam:

no

Laila:

ah

Wissam:

i understand why you are doin it

Wissam:

but i dont agree with you

Wissam:

its simple

Laila:

ok

Wissam:

there is not excuse to do it

Laila:

ok tell me why i am doing it then

Wissam:

no excuse*

Wissam:

its you

Laila:

what is my “excuse”

Wissam:

you dont!

Laila:

aaah

Laila:

ok

Laila:

fhemet

Wissam:

listen

Laila:

why do you think i am doing this

Wissam:

its your personal beliefs

Wissam:

your personal beliefs 3adi momken tkoon kolha 3’alat

Wissam:

bas fel nehaya , this is what you believe

Laila:

do you support me or do you recoil?

Wissam:

i dont support you

Laila:

then why are you talking to me

Laila:

what do you want from me

Laila:

why do you want to talk sex

Wissam:

ya benti

Wissam:

i am not an angel

Wissam:

i do mistakes too

Wissam:

but i dont say what i am doing is right

Wissam:

got it?

Wissam:

brb (going to smoke, 7aragteeli rassi)

Laila:

w 7aragtelak rassak kaman.. w bidak edakhen kaman.. i am really hitting a nerve, arent i? and you will keep on chatting with me, because you know that you want to.

Laila:

if you say yes.. then, you will see that, with time, you wil start sharing my belief system.

Laila:

if you say no, then we should just part

Laila:

i dont want to

Laila:

part that is

Wissam:

walek bat5awatr

Wissam:

ma benmaza7 ma3ek enti?

Laila:

no one said i am upset

Laila:

i am not

Wissam:

tayeb

Laila:

i am just trying to understand who you are

Laila:

and you never answered my question

Wissam:

ana witho

Wissam:

sho bedek te3rafi 3anni

Laila:

walak

Laila:

answer my question. 3 questions above before you left to smoke

Wissam:

ask again

Laila:

why are you talking to me what do you want from me why ar you talking sex with me

Laila:

i can make it simple for you

Laila:

asnwer this

Laila:

are you having the same conversations with other girls? or xs?

Laila:

is it 3adi for you?

Laila:

or am i a special case

Laila:

honest yella

Wissam:

u r special case

Wissam:

listen

Wissam:

i dont agree with you in the concept, why you cant deal with it!

Wissam:

there?

Wissam:

wain 5rafaiti?

Laila:

here

Laila:

Laila:

hahahaa

Laila:

inta mish ma32ool

Laila:

bas 3anjad ba7ibak..

Laila:

kteer nifsi ashoofak

Laila:

and your wife and son

Laila:

kteer

Laila:

like a family visit

Laila:

my family visitn yours

Laila:

and vica versa

Laila:

would be really nice

Wissam:

laih ana mosh ma32ool

Laila:

lainak 3hazai

Laila:

Laila:

ghazawi

Wissam:

ok!

Laila:

kul bi wa2to 7ilu

Laila:

3ala fikra

Laila:

i was went to the bathroom and had a little selfish shower, and i thought of you. for real.

Laila:

i was went

Laila:

i like

Wissam:

howeh fe selfish shower wa shower mosh selfish?

Laila:

ahaaaa

Laila:

bas balash ma bte3raf 3an hada el ishi!!

Laila:

you’re joking.. cuz you want me to explain it myself

Wissam:

eno la7alek ya3ni?

Laila:

hhhaaha ok..

Laila:

selfish shower is something most probably even your wife has discovered, or read about.. it is when you go to the shower, and masturbate, using the jet of water from the shower hose, and mainly the object or selfishness, the clit..

Laila:

so not you

Laila:

but girls

Wissam:

u always do that?

Laila:

yeå

Laila:

me, ever since i discovered when i was maybe 15

Laila:

it becomes an addiction

Laila:

there’s like a whole lot about women that men have no idea about

Laila:

we’re deep man

Laila:

hahaha

Wissam:

hada ana ahbal

Laila:

it becomes like.. at least for me.. the most selfish thing i could do ever

Laila:

like in the middle of dinner or a meeting, if it happens that i get horny, i will automatically start thinking of any possible way to just leave and go to the shower. it doesnt happen all the time.. i stay there in the meeting in agony.. but the 20% of the times when i do get to go to my shower, its like, the most selfish thing i did.. like fuck you all and life, now i want to satisfy me..

Laila:

hahahaa

Wissam:

started to imagin your farfoura

Laila:

omg sometime it happened when i was in an internet cafe 3and el urdunieh.. probably when we knew each other..

Laila:

and i just like fuck it.. where is the bathroom here

Laila:

and i masterbated.. hahaha..

Laila:

no shower of course

Wissam:

never knew that you are sexual that much

Laila:

i think women dont even realize that they NEED to be sexually fulfilled..

Laila:

omg i am so sexual

Laila:

been in denial about it most of my life

Laila:

but now i am letting go of all my fears and inhabotions

Laila:

facing it

Laila:

facing everything about me

Laila:

yes i am sexually addicted

Wissam:

adaish sexual ya3ni?

Laila:

probably because i have never managed to succesfully 100% orgasm ever

Laila:

well you know

Laila:

i was thinking about this very same thing just now when i was drying myself with the towel

Laila:

i thought.. how sexually active me i? and i realize that it changes all the time

Wissam:

ya3ni ma 3endek ashya2 sexual weird bet7ebeeha?

Laila:

when i am manic.. meaning feeling beautiful, confident.. intelligent and just like god damn hypontizing.. then me and ru we have sex like.. all the time for a few days.. when i finally realize it is fruitless.. i will not orgasm.. give it up.. i sink into a depression cycle.. can take months.. i dont want to be touched at all. no sex talk at all

Laila:

so rupert here like suffers a lot

Laila:

either too much sex he cant take it anymore

Laila:

or no sex at all he has to start masterbaating

Laila:

ok weird sexual stuff

Laila:

well

Laila:

i love being dominated

Laila:

we havent done this perfectly yet, becuase i am too self cousious still

Laila:

but i want to be dominated.

Laila:

like

Laila:

whats it called

Laila:

mmmm

Laila:

tough love

Laila:

you know?

Wissam:

brb , 5 min, keep talking

Laila:

give me pain but just because you love me

Laila:

ok

Laila:

i want to be tied up.. and like beautifully humilated.. bascially, humilate me because i am so self consious of my body and my personality.. that i cant let what my “soul” wants happen.. which is just give in, and be free, and be comfortable, and enjoy the moment like a child would.. no rules.. no concept of right or wrong.. no cultural, social, parental or religious conceptions.. just being innocent of all knowledge, and be in the moment. taking life in full force. being alive. having fun. being happy. being love….

Laila:

and for me in this particular situation, domination in sex… i mean

Laila:

i want to

Laila:

reach the highest ever to the peak.. i want to feel like mountain of pleasure growing slowly.. being stuck in the moment.. in time.. feeling the journey.. understanding it… knowing that bliss is ahead..

Laila:

i just want to know that i will orgasm. that is all i want. i dont want to spend the forplay, the fantisizing.. the climax, fearing all the time that i will not cum.. i cannot relax. no matter what..

Laila:

its the biggest thing i have for me

Laila:

and not being able to orgasm is blocking me in so many way

Laila:

ways

Laila:

affecting my reality and my life and my relations

Laila:

my work

Laila:

my studies

Laila:

my family

Laila:

it has always been about this hasnt it

Laila:

i did all that i have done in my life, because i cant orgasm.

Laila:

and i am still looking for it.

Laila:

that is why i am talking to you.

Laila:

because no matter how impossible it is for me and you to make love – finally- it is still a solid possibility for me. and that is why you are in my life now. not only inside the mac sceen

Laila:

i think about you most of the day

Laila:

i talk about you

Laila:

to rupert

Laila:

to kristen, the gf who spent the night, who incidentally was out 3some partner.. but the sex is over between us.

Laila:

i talk to you to lina

Laila:

i write about you

Laila:

i mean come on

Laila:

i am that desperate to find love and orgasm it is blinding me

Laila:

controlling me

Laila:

it is burried so deep within my blood and subconsious that i dont even notice it

Laila:

or realize that why i did this or that …

Laila:

blah

Laila:

i give up

Laila:

i mean i have just started thinking about it in a crazy way now.. i decided to send a msg all of a sudden that is, to Heba, you know all about her, but maybe dont remember.. and i will ask her this question, do you have problems orgasming? if she says yes, i will ask her have you ever orgasmed with A.? if she says yes.. then i have to try find a link between that, and cutting my risk wanting to die the day A. told me, i was his gf after Heba, that he wants to break up for good, and that the only reason he was ever with me was because i am the closest to Heba he can have. and that he always imagines her instead of me.

Laila:

all that happened when i looked at my wrist, covered with a new and my first tattoo.. which says Julia and the a picture of a rose exactly where my numbness and scar begins

Wissam:

finshed reading

Wissam:

fazee3a enti 2ad ma btoktobi

Wissam:

did you like the threesome?

Laila:

no

Laila:

brb in 1 min

Wissam:

ok

Laila:

what do you think of what i wrote

Wissam:

later i tell u what i think

Laila:

ok

Laila:

home time?

Wissam:

why u did not like the threesojme?

erm..

Laila:

well

Laila:

i dont think i was ready for it.. i was too self consious

Wissam:

are u attracted to girls?

Laila:

sometimes yes

Laila:

listen

Laila:

i am not into girls… sometimes stuff happens, but i always feel eeki later.. not worth it feeling you know? however!!!

Laila:

when i surf the porn, i want to look at girls bits.. not dicks..

Laila:

sometimes sex.. but mostly things done to a girl

Laila:

like dominating vids

Wissam:

aha

Laila:

well heba is not on fb anymore.. since last month.. ya3ni shu hal galag hada.. lazem adawer 3aleh 3ala twitter

Laila:

seems more needy! eft

Laila:

do you tweet?

Laila:

shaklak majhool

Laila:

mashghool

Laila:

hahaha

Wissam:

meeen hiba!?

Laila:

she was the only girl – best friend that counted. and it was a horrible story. and after she broke up with her bf A. i went out with him.. so our story is very cimplicated..

Laila:

Wissam:

Laila:

am i interesting?

Wissam:

very

Laila:

why

Laila:

or

Laila:

what makes me interesting to you?

Wissam:

full of weird stories and complicated personality

Laila:

those weird stories.. are they interesting? or stupid?

Wissam:

interesting

Laila:

are you very busy

Wissam:

somehow

Laila:

how do you mange to get any work done? when do you go home?

Wissam:

i go homw at 5 pm

Wissam:

now its 4:50 pm

Laila:

ok then.. see ya tomorrow then?

Wissam:

inshallah

Laila:

ok

Laila:

bye

Wissam:

bas eza shofti 7alek kteer zah2aneh

Wissam:

wa mosh 3arfeh sho bedek te3mali wa bedek ta5di selfish shower

Wissam:

etzakareeni

Laila:

hahaha

Laila:

taieb

Wissam:

etzakareeni ah

Wissam:

etzakareeni

Laila:

ya3ni ana 7atan ma 2utilak what i was dreaming about you

Wissam:

bte7keeli yaha bokra

Laila:

iza batzakar

Wissam:

wa salmeeli 3al farfoura

Laila:

7mar m2rif

Laila:

inta

Laila:

bye

Wissam:

7mar!

Wissam:

m2rif!

Wissam:

okay

Wissam:

bye

Laila:

byen

26/04/2012, 22:37 Laila:

:S malak Wissam: ? got bored? or i said something?

Laila:

omg is this seriously our last conversation?? the 7mar mu2rif? aw hahaha.. i had no idea.. is this why you are not talking anymore? i hope not!

26/04/2012, 23:28 Wissam:

yes this is out last conversation. why? dont know, you could send me thugh but you did not, and yes, i did not like at all what you said, but i did not act upon it

27/04/2012, 00:23 Laila:

oh i had no idea you felt that way.. i thought it was a joke our last words.. really no idea. sorry! i said that because i don’t like the word farfoora. for me a kid could say it, it would be cute.. but if you say it, it feels wrong and a little “off”, ok? that’s all.. so i was just kidding when i finally said 7mar bladi blah.. i was batkhawat, but acting upon i want you to know that i don’t like what you said.. that is all..

Laila:

nd by the way i didn’t send you because i thought that the first day you were soo busy.. and then maybe you just lost interest.. and we were kind of in a pattern where you always sent the first msg of the day…

Wissam:

ok…