year?

From the perspective of the bigger picture, it feels like I’m the only thing moving.
But in the smaller picture, in this reality, I feel the complete opposite.
Everything, from here, seems to move; like a wind. And I am constant focus. I am the permanent perspective, spectator and creator.

When I was young, there were rare incidents or situations, when suddenly, my surroundings start fast-forwarding and spinning around me. And I am the eye of the twister, terrified. Horrified by my presence, that is showing itself for me to be aware of. The other, the invisible other.
Is this how ‘God” felt when he unintentionally created, duality?
How did he feel that moment when he saw his own reflection?
What was it like to meet someone other than himself.
What was it like to meet himself as another being?
It felt like a point of focus that is outside of me. A confirmation that someone else is separate from me, I don’t recognize as part of our reality, and . and it is sucking my attentions and awareness like a strong vacuum. It feels similar to dream paralysis, but the focus is is not on being unwillingly, contained inside my body, terrified; the focus is abstract containment, of my consciousness. Like a Dementer, sucking the happiness out of Harry Potter’s memories. It is terror. Contained in a box. Pandora’s box.
But as I grew, and wasn’t a child anymore, this ‘meeting’ changed, to something deep, a love affair. I fell in love with the unknown & I’m intrigued and longing to be with this presence. An insecure obsession of pure love.
The prominent theme the feeling of being unemotionally detached, and almost constantly anxious. Like a second nature.

It is when I look at the stars in the night sky, I focus. I see the star in the sky because everything else seems irrelevant. It is just me- and her.
I see a sun with planets in her. A galaxy, bigger than mine and mind-bogglingly distant, exciting in a completely different timeline. They say that the further the star is, the more lightyears separate our distance and time. They say you can see things in the night sky that are in reality not even there, anymore. For a long long time.

What in the whole world is more fascinating than a star in the night? The quest to there, I bet.

When I look at the stars in a black dark sky, I say, “Wow…. Nothing matters because nothing is really real.”…