#Paralysis

The dream began with a paralysis mood and action. I wasn’t though
In my bedroom in amman, the bed parallel to the southern window, thought it was parallel to the west
Dark, night time, I was sleeping
I feel someone lie on the bed
I start to panic
Then stop it instantly
Taking the opportunity and realizing I am dreaming
I stop it
And I say I wish it was daytime, the sun bright in the sky
And it works
I then start a very long I wish list
I was saying “i wish” this and that
It was all superficial
And non scary elements
I think I was trying to make myself as comfortable as possible
I was in the bedroom for a long time wishing
Though I dont remember what for
What I remember next is that I wished for an ocean horizon
A very big watery horizon
And it worked
Though it took me a few wishes to actually see the ocean
And by that time I was in a different land
In a different house
With my family with me for some reason
And amo Montasser as well
Sitting with baba in a sitting area in the middle of the house with no windows
I think everyone was going out to eat or drink
And I was stupidly wishing to be beautiful, etc.
There were so many wishes,
And the wishes stopped working
Sometimes they would, but not exactly how I want them to be
I even thought of, or said out loud, that wishes, or perhaps even magic always comes with a price
It was only when we were in the cafe by the sea when I saw my reflection
That I wished to be beautiful again
And I saw my body morph
My chest grew bigger, my ass as well
Sexy sensual body
I think my hair turned blond
And I said no, my own hair color, and long
When I was still not happy, although I knew everyone is very very happy looking at me
I said why can’t I just wish for everything to be perfect
And actually have the chance to wish for what I want to happen
Which is to be with my soul mate
Rewind
We appeared in the new house because I wished, with julie listening to me
That I want to be in our perfect house
The one I am designing on the app
When we turned out to be in a different house
Nothing perfect about it
I may have started to worry about my wishing
When we all went down to the street
I realized that my wishes are somehow actually working
Because I suddenly saw the ocean
We walked in a strange untidy empty street
Latin america perhaps
Something or someone at the other end,
I dont remember it
But we overcame
And arrived at the terraced cafe by the sea
**
Perhaps this is a seperate dream
Everything about it was so different
More like a major motion picture
The effect were phenomenal
I couldnt conjure that
This is very scattered and disconnected
I will start with the scene that I remember well
The camera was filming from below
I was on top, walking in a straight line
To meet a man
Someone like a god or a controller or a commander
My body was on top
But I was the camera panning to body level from below
And from below it looked like blue sky
And every step I take lands on a new small cloud
Conjured at the right moment
The man as well
First he was standing on a bigger cloud
Then he also started walking to meet me half way
And with every step, a little cloud would appear to hold his foot
The camera panned to our level
And it showed what we both actually saw
Just ground
Perhaps grassy and soil
The whole setting transformation made me feel amazed
And I thought of movies and effect and how marvellous this scene is
**
Another scene from the same story,
I think I am with a woman
And we are in love
We are seperated
And I am trying to find her
There was thing huge field
Snow and cold perhaps
But I wasn’t cold
It was sereal
Like a different planet
I was in a new place
Adventure
It was beautiful
I cannot remember it
.
.
.
.
soldiers
**

I am driving a fancy black 4×4
In a city I dont know
It is raining in a catastrophic way
The streets are washed with torrents of quick floods
The other cars on the road are all like me
No one is driving safely
And no one is driving to safety
We are all driving because this is awsome
Recklessly with no fear
Nadia was with me, I think
Or maybe lina
The streets are very wide
And very new
Some streets incline in almost 80 degrees
And the flood rushes down from them
Some cars go up all the way
I wasnt intending to do that
But once it happened
And I couldnt go all the way
And while the cars was being swept downwards
I started getting worried I am going to wreck the car
And have to answer to (baba??)
In the end
After bashing the car terribly
I find myself bringing the car to a hideaway
A narrow stage made of a hill and a valley
Where there was a concert below
I came late
The music was already on
Like a song contest with various artists in a row
But there were also lots of people just coming in as I was
I noticed that I was the only one here driving and leaving the car
And I also noticed that a guy or a few of them thought that what I did was cool
I put the car neatly away in to the wall
Using my hands
And sit down beside 2 girls on my right
The song I was hearing might have been linkin park’s “in the end”
While I was sitting and watching
I had the feeling that I am not supposed to be here
But becuause I am there
Everyone is in awe of me
On my left sat lina I suppose
The girl on my right was swedish
She and her friend were something
And I was on good terms with them
Until maybe I was about to leave
And I realized that I dont have my credit card and my iphone
And I remembered that I let the girl hold my handbag for a reason
I accused her of theft publically
And then found hundredes of cards under the cloth of her seat
She and the other girl were pick pockets
And they have been at it for a long time
I made a big scene about it
Most of the cards were the same
White with one word written across
Beginning with E
I went down to the stage
And annaouced what had happened
And showed everyone that I was actually right
And told them I want 2 things to happen now
First we take a photo of each of the girls with the phone
And make posters and put them up everywhere
That these are theives
And then call the cops
Everything was super great
Until I decided to say something
And it felt like I said it without thinking first
So it came out all jambled
And not funny
And I lost the power of the moment
I wanted to say
If they smoked week, they would be hippies
(Meaning, they dont, and so they steal and do no good)
Strange
**

Last dream
Or perhaps continuation
It all felt like one dream really
I did wake up in the middle after the I wish one
There is this man
Older
And big
He was like a daddy to me
He wanted to be one
Yet he also wanted my hand and heart
I remember one moment of doubt, the very last time I saw him/ was with him
Thinking what is the difference between him and rupert
Apart from the filthy wealth
I was sitting on the fence across the street from behind the house
And he was standing in front of me
I was holding him by his neck and sholders
Him by my waste
Perhaps that was the only moment of closeness we had
And he was swaying left and right
Rubbing his thing against my body
Which reminded me suddenly of rupert
And made me think about my decision to be with him
He had Edward’s personality
Gives me anything I desire
He pointed to 2 classic cars parked infront of the Shalhoob’s house
And told me to choose one
I didnt like either
And said I don’t know how to drive a manual
I only driven one on my test and lessons
But after he left
I came close to the black boxy shaped one
The driver was inside
It reminded me of old cabs
But it was shiny
And had a shower in front
And a bed in the back I think
And by the seats, the driver, with a smile folded out a table
I thought it was like a practicle caravan
But looked like a car
And london
There was amman to london in 2 hours
Shadia, or jehan was there
And we went to a party in london
I was wearing a puffy (pink) dress
Which I could change into any other color of the same style
I knew I looked great
But in the party my vision started to glue
I couldnt keep my eyes open
Like sleepy sand
I had to go to the bathroom
And I saw a young man as I was going there
With very bad eye sight
I thought he looks better than the old man who wants me
But he wasnt prince charming either
But he made me determinded to go in and fix myself up
In the bathroom
There was a scene of eyeshadow
Greenish blue
I was trying to put it on my lids
And it kept disappearing
So I was doing it again and again
One time one girl changed the pallete to the brownish one
So I had a brownish lid
And I had to start over
By the time I was done wasting my time
I decided to change the color of my dress to the same colour
Another scene, perhaps before the party, and before meeting the old man on the fence
I was in my room
Perhaps I wished the night into day again
And I drew on my eye brows
Really thick and really neat
Thinking to myself what have I done, I have to wash it of
But it looked perfect
The old man and me, we had lots of other things happening in the beginning.
But I cant remember
**
The whole thing ended like it began
I am in bed
Night time
The presence is there again
A girl
And I am not afraid
She touches me
And I try to relax
And encourage her with a moan
Dismissing the thought I might be smelly down there
When she actually finger me a little
And I says, darling you reek
I stopped, and couldnt understand what the word meant
Could it really mean I was smelly
I knew she was right
But the word threw me off guard becuase I did not know what it meant…