#Deep

It’s been good. Very good. But there’s a part missing from me, still. I’ve been thinking how could I experience the happy without thinking why I’m not experiencing.
A part of me is turned off. Time/events don’t turn me back on.
The last time I felt myself was twelve years ago. Everyday I keep going, hoping that today is the day.

Nothing bad or negative is happening at this time in my life.
Odd.
And my dreams are coming to reality.
But so unnoticeably so.
The only focus in me is inwards. And it creates negativity, because I’m constantly trying to connect to my external life but I’m not able to.

When there’s nothing more to wish for,
And I find that I only want it all to end;
What would I ask the genie to give me?
What could I now begin..

I’m looking forward to whatever can awaken the sleep in me.
This unfathomable, dumb, optimistic expectation from an invisible faith is the only happy that I own. I don’t know what this faith is. It is a purely mine. Soulmissioned. Knowingness. It’s not confirmable and can’t be proven, not with logic nor with science.

It’s so fucken damn deep. But I feel how shallow the link towards my own self is. I feel less than what I used to be. Less than I am. I am not only what I am now capable of.

Confidence is always sunken, ego holding on to the controls.
The various shadows of my ego are blinding me.…